The truth is out there . . . don't let it in

Thank you mommy

2008-11-26T10:09:00.001-08:00

My girls (age 5 and 6) have reached the age where flatulence is no longer just a bodily function. It is now funny. The girls were finishing dinner while my wife and I were in the kitchen. Every couple of seconds one of them would make a raspberry sound, say something and then both would start laughing. My wife and I were busy and they weren’t screaming so we didn’t pay much attention at first. After several minutes, we listened to what they were saying. “(Raspberry sound). Thank you mommy for adding a nice smell to dinner. (laughter). (Raspberry sound). Thank you dad for adding a nice smell to dinner. (laughter).

Grandma's packing

2008-11-21T10:38:00.000-08:00

I was holding my baby boy at a family event. Suddenly I smelled something quite terrible coming from his diaper. I don’t mean to brag but Helmet Head has a high reek to size ratio and reek he did. Being a loving and caring father, I tickled his chin until he was laughing very adorably and handed him to his mother. I quickly walked away because my wife and I haven’t agreed on no-give-baby-backsies rules. After a moment’s pleasure in Helmet Head’s laughs, my wife passed our laughing and reeking son to a cousin before quickly walking away. From relative to relative our son passed until an aunt passed him to grandma. Grandma took him away to change him in a well ventilated room.

Being a patriot, I asked myself, “How can my country benefit from what I just saw?” The answer is fairly obvious. Since people automatically walk away from the smell of dirty diapers, if we make all national secrets smell like dirty diapers so spy will still our information. They may pick it up but they won’t leave the building before handing it off to some security guard.

Whenever proposing a major change in tactics, one must ask how would the competition respond. Clearly international spy services would start recruiting grandmas, who seem immune to dirty diapers. 007 would be obsolete but the Golden Girls would start packing heat.

Grandma Mimi

2008-11-17T14:55:00.000-08:00

We buried Grandma Mimi today. When I first started dated my wife, we visited Grandfather and Mimi at their home. Grandfather gave us some practical directions for the trip home for practical was Grandfather's way. Grandfather's directions were for a shortcut using back roads in the Northeast. Grandma Mimi didn't think one of the steps was clear and so interjected with a landmark. "Turn right at the flowers," she added. Off the back roads in the Northeast there are a lot of flowers. The floral landmark didn't help us find our way home but I will always find that landmark in my heart. With Grandma Mimi, there are always flowers.

Nancy Boy

2008-11-13T11:24:00.001-08:00

I have had a long standing rule that each child only has one insulting name at a time. My son, who's eight months, started as Nancy Boy but later had to wear a helmet causing his official name to change to Helmet Head. Nancy Boy was put on the bench. Last night, I attempted to feed Helmet Head Chicken and Stars soup made for babies. It was a paste with just a little bit of texture. The moment the paste passed Helmet Head's lips he gagged and threwup all of the Chicken and Stars as well as the jar of peas and brown rice I fed him earlier. Helmet Head is not able to handle Chicken and Stars paste therefore I will break my own rule and alternatively refer to him as Helmet Head and Nancy Boy.

Gym Time

2008-11-08T18:55:00.000-08:00

For the entire lives of my 5 year old and 6 year old my wife and I made a big deal about how strong they were. When they flexed their muscles we oohed. When they lifted pillows over their heads we awed. We pinched their flexed arms and exclaim, "How strong!" For awhile, we even pretended that their muscles were so strong that it hurt our fingers to pinch them. Between the two kids, that's 11 years of muscular encouragement.

My 5 year old asked us what we did while they were at school. We told them that we were going to the gym. My 5 year old pinched my arm and said, "It's not so strong, Dad. Work harder." While I bit my tongue, holding in the nasty remark I would have made had anyone else said that, my 6 year old pinched my wife's flexed arms. "It's kind of soft, Mom," she said. Then she called to my 5 year old and said, "Pinch Mom. She's like a marshmallow." Now I had a whole new set of comments I knew better than to say.

General invite

2008-11-07T10:24:00.000-08:00

I would like to extend an invitation to all of the naked old men in the gym's locker room to continue conversation on the treadmills. Generally speaking, the less likely I am to actually see your prostate, the more I will be engaged in your story about said prostate. So, come on. Put on your tighty whitey's and let's never talk in the locker room again.

Workless paradise

2008-11-06T19:42:00.000-08:00

Ok. I haven't been as productive this week as I had planned. Last Friday was my last day on the job. I spent much of the end of the week preparing to leave, so I didn't do my daily job hunting. I had to catch up with that. I had to file unemployment. My wife's grandmother had a stroke, so Tuesday we spent visiting her (after voting of course). All of this adds up to, I haven't been living my schedule.

My wife has dragged my overweight self to the gym twice this week and will probably try to do it again tomorrow. The job hopes I had lined up seemed to be running thin. I think being home is throwing the kids off too. They like having me home, at least they better like having me home, but it is different.

I'm hoping next week becomes a little smoother as all adjust a little better.

Daddy's home

2008-11-03T11:16:00.000-08:00

Today is my first work day where I am unemployed. I used to come home from work and my daughters would sing, "Daddy's home from where he roam." Today as I came down the stairs they called, "Daddy's home from where he didn't roam." They are getting clever.

Even though I wasn't rushing off to work, we were running late. I banned talking from breakfast to catch us back up. Once finished, dressed and ready to go out the door, the girls decided that they needed to make up for lost talking time by repeating everything. Once finished, dressed and ready to go out the door, the girls decided that they needed to make up for lost talking time by repeating everything.

My wife managed to get me to the Y for a workout. I don't remember signing up for that when I was laid off. Working out is just cruel to someone in my condition. Besides, they don't let you take chocolate onto the treadmills. Barbarians.

Helmet Head - update

2008-10-28T10:16:00.001-07:00

Helmet head had a scan yesterday. The helmet has been on for about a month and he has had some progress. He officially has improved from “mutant child” to “almost human.” In another month he won’t have an advantage in getting science fiction acting roles. I’m going to go call the SciFi channel now.

Automatic Flushing Toilets

2008-10-23T10:20:00.000-07:00

I hate automatic flushing toilets. My hate for automatic flushing toilets is not just a surface level hate. It is multi-level. First, I hate these plumbing related beasts as a father. My daughters were always afraid of being flushed away. Children are not big enough to reliably be “seen” by the all seeing eye of the poop receptor, frequently leading to a premature flush while the child is on the toilet. Therefore, in addition to supporting the kid during sensitive operations and practicing defensive positions to keep the child away from suspicious stains, I would have to keep a free hand hovering over the red eye to prevent a flushing incident. Since the girls were also afraid of the noise, I had to maintain this position while wiping and dressing the kid.

On a more personal level I hate automatic flushing toilets because my shit stinks. I am a rather large person. In a normal size stall, it is impossible for me to give a courtesy flush. If I have been fortunate enough to secure a handicapped stall, I can swing my bare ass far enough to the side away from the red eye to give a friendly flush. When I’m protecting the child from the flush, any momentary lapse away from the red eye will trigger an unwanted flush but when I’m hanging my big naked bottom over the side, it takes about ten minutes to trigger the toilet.

Finally, I hate automatic flush toilets during cleanup. As soon as I stand, I trigger that courtesy flush. You are welcome. Then I tend to my sanitary needs but this requires an additional flush. Again, when there are children involved a mere wave of my hand will cause an unwanted flush. When the toilet needs an additional rinse and I’m waving my hands in front of that little red eyed jerk, there’s no flush.

I'm right!

2008-10-18T05:51:00.000-07:00

I'm right! I'm right! I'm right! No matter how wrong I am, I'm right! My wife's throat hurts to the point she can't talk. Since she can't say I'm wrong then I must be right!

Looking good

2008-10-15T07:42:00.001-07:00

I had a job interview on Monday. I came downstairs in suit and tie, looking my spiffiest. My two loving daughters, ages 5 and 6, were playing in the living room. My 5 year old says, “Daddy, you look the most hansom that I have ever seen you.” My 6 year old looks at me, standing proud and looking good, says, “What? Did you get a haircut or something?”

Bed time 1, 2, 3's

2008-10-14T07:04:00.001-07:00

My six year old has trouble going to sleep. It is difficult for her to slow her mind down. She’ll start thinking about something and will stay up as late as she can to think about it. I’ve suggested vodka shots but (so far) my wife has interfered. A little while ago, I suggested that she try to count as high as she can. The monotony of counting, I reasoned, would lull her to sleep. It worked a few times but a couple of nights ago, I went in to check on her after suggesting the counting trick. She was bouncing in bed full of excitement. She had counted to 462!!!! I’m not sure how she was able to count past 461 but not make it to 463 but that is where she stopped. She was so excited about being able to count so high she didn’t go to sleep for another 20 minutes.

I checked on her last night and she was having trouble sleeping. I started to suggest counting again but she told me, “That doesn’t work because I get so excited because I can count so high.” After indulging in a moment of parental pride, I had a flash of brilliance. “Honey,” I suggested, “how about counting down from 100.” I figured the numbers ran out and she wouldn’t have the issue of counting has high as she could. She would count down to zero and drift to sleep. I gave her a hug, indulged in some self-pride and went to bed. I checked on her a little while later. She was bouncing in bed. “Daddy, I’m down to negative 10 and I’m going to see how high in the negative numbers I can count!!!!” I just went back to bed.

Grounded by my seven month old

2008-10-09T08:30:00.001-07:00

My 7 month old grounded me, I think. I was feeding him a dinner of winter squash, which he loves. Baby Sammy eating winter squash is like watch Cookie Monster eat cookies before they became a once-in-awhile-food. I ran out of winter squash and tried to feed him some green bean mush. Baby Sammy is not a Cookie Monster like fan of green bean mush. In fact, Baby Sammy doesn’t care for green bean mush at all.

He ate a couple of bites but quickly let show his displeasure. Fearing a diapered revolt, my wife brought me a new batch of winter squash. I had foolishly thought that switching back to a favorite food would appease the little one. Baby Sammy took two bites of the new winter squash and refused to take more. I could tell he was still hungry by the little clues only someone who’s been a parent can truly interpret. Of example, with his lips pressed firmly together he still screeched loud enough to drive his sisters from the room and he chubby little legs kept kicking his tray. Even with those subtle hints of hunger, Baby Sammy refused to take another bite of the food he loved.

About ten minutes later and my third try, Baby Sammy started eating again and he ate every drop of winter squash. Cookie Monster leaves crumbs in his orgy of cookie eating love. Baby Sammy did not leave the tiniest drop of winter squash. I think Baby Sammy was punishing me for serving him that evil pile of green goo. He assumed that I love to feed him because I do twice a day and so he took that activity away for ten minutes so that I learned my lesson. I did learn my lesson. This morning I left the green goo in the refrigerator and served him carrots. Carrots are even better than winter squash on Baby Sammy’s scale.

Perfect Breasts

2008-10-08T06:59:00.001-07:00

I’ve heard that Christina Applegate had preventative double mastectomy and is now having reconstructive surgery. If she really wants to have the perfect breasts, I recommend installing a beer tap in one and T.V. remote in the other. No man could resist her.

Third political party

2008-10-07T13:21:00.000-07:00

I believe is was Lewis Black who called the Republicans and the Democrats the party of no ideas and the part of bad ideas. I don’t remember which was which from his point of view but it hardly matters. The time has come for both the Republican and the Democratic parties to become a footnote in history filed under “Failed.”

So what, I ask myself and any who wish to comment, tenets should a new party live by. Luckily, myself answered. Please see below and comment if you wish.

1.) The party of political reform and accountability. This includes removing lobbyist from the political process and aggressively pursuing waste and misuse of public resources (mainly by politicians).
2.) The party of balanced budget. The federal government is not allowed to spend one penny more than it’s obligations.
3.) The party of investment in the future. Education, new businesses, science, technology and new manufacturing are to be focal points for this party.
What would you add?

Home sick

2008-10-06T06:38:00.000-07:00

I'm home sick today. I'm feeling ok but I was throwing up yesterday and haven't felt well all week. I told the kids that I'm going to stay home and relax while they go to school. My five year old said, "I have a great idea, Dad. You can watch us at karate today. It is very relaxing because you can just sit and watch the kids." I got the hint. As long as I'm not throwing again, this afternoon I'll go relax in karate.

Wooden Arrows and Idiots

2008-10-03T13:13:00.001-07:00

“We have acted boldly to prevent the crisis on Wall Street from becoming a crisis in communities across our country,” President Bush said when the house passed a pork barrel filled, embarrassingly ineffectively, anti-American bail out bill today. “Boldly” was the word he chose. When does acting boldly cross the line to acting foolishly?

I believe the votes can be broken down into three groups. The first are people who actually believe we are in a financial crisis and that this package will prevent the worst fiscal crisis in our country’s history. I’ll call them the idiots.

The second group in congress who voted for this bill has no real understanding of financial markets but President Bush scared them. In their panic, they are lashing the financial future of the country to any floating stick they can find. They’ll shove any good ideas under the surface just to keep themselves afloat. I’ll call this group the cowards.

The final group who voted for this bill has been purchased by pork barrel projects. During this time of crisis, they stopped and said “what’s in it for me?” A great example is two Oregon representatives who switched their votes to yes once a provision protecting makers of children’s arrows was added. This provision is going to help a grand total of 9 companies in the nation, two of which are in Oregon. The country cried out for leadership and Senators Ron Wyden and Gordon Smith kicked the American people in the crotch. Luckily we will have wooden arrows to shoot at them. I ask the people of Oregon to vote against Senator Gordon Smith in 2008 and against Senator Ron Wyden in 2010. Oregon, stand up for your country and bring these two down.

Let’s hop on over to my own state of Rhode Island, may it fall into the ocean. Representative Patrick Kennedy, who is only in politics out of some perverse aristocracy, tacked on a measure to provide mental health care for millions of Americans. Unlike the wooden arrow atrocity, I don’t fault the need for mental health assistance. This is true now more than ever as our politicians as well as our financial institutions screw the American public. I do get a sense of satisfaction knowing that the politicians are getting sloppy seconds. Speaking about messy stains, let’s get back to Patrick Kennedy. While the country needed sanity, he embraced a pet project and tacked it on to the biggest foolish blunder in American financial history. I will be voting against Patrick Kennedy in November and I ask other Rhode Islanders to do the same.

Email

2008-10-01T05:49:00.001-07:00

My 5 year old sent an email to me at work. She reads well for her age. When she writes words she isn't confident with yet she'll go around the house and find birthday cards, cereal boxes and toys that has the words she needs and copy the words from her sources to make her message.

My email read, "Hi Daddy. Wii will see you at the end of the day. Love."

Note that "we" is spelled "Wii".

M Class

2008-09-26T08:55:00.001-07:00

There is a commercial that claims the BMW M class car senses when you are about to be in an accident and closes the windows. I assume BMW drivers want to windows closed so that no one can here them scream right before impact. I have few other useful suggestions of what the car might accomplish just before impact. It could spray some air freshener, just incase the drive craps himself. Perhaps clean underwear could pop out of the dashboard for the driver to change into. That assumes, of course, the closing windows haven’t decapitated the driver.

The car could also start playing taps. There is nothing quite as sadly beautiful as taps playing at a military funeral. Additionally, the car could log into the drivers schedule and cancel the rest of today’s meetings. The driver will be otherwise occupied. Higher end versions of the car could cancel meetings based on the speed of impact. So if the car was only going 45 miles per hour at impact, it would only cancel today’s meetings. If it was traveling at 90 miles per hour, it would cancel meetings for a month.

I’m not sure if drivers would be willing to pay extra for the next couple of ideas but if the car senses that it is about to be in an accident, perhaps it could . . . I don’t know . . . . maybe it could put on the brakes. How about if there is about to be an accident, a voice comes on the radio and says, “LOOK OUT!!!!” That might be useful.

Helmet Head

2008-09-23T12:35:00.000-07:00

My family is blessed with unusually powerful, almost god-like, intelligence. This blessing comes at a cost. Our brains are so heavy that it deforms our skulls when we are babies. The shear weight flattens out which ever side we sleep on the most. Because of this, Baby Sammy now has to wear a helmet to help round out his skull.

That is the story I’m going to tell Baby Sammy when he’s old, unless he pisses me off. Then I’ll tell him his head was so empty his skull started to deflate like a party balloon as it looses air.

John McCain Calls Running Mate Governor Sarah Palin A Crybaby.

2008-09-11T10:27:00.000-07:00

This week Barack Obama was speaking about John McCain and Sarah Palin’s self-described “change” theme and said, “The other side, suddenly, they're saying 'we're for change too'. Now think about it, these are the same folks that have been in charge for the last eight years. You can put lipstick on a pig. It's still a pig. You can wrap up an old fish in a piece of paper and call it change. It's still going to stink after eight years. We've had enough.” John McCain’s campaign promptly issued a comment claiming that Sarah Palin was a crybaby and couldn’t handle mean things said about her. Governor Palin is especially sensitive to comments made by democrats as interpreted by propaganda machine talk show hosts Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity as well as comments regarding pigs. Governor Palin does not appreciate discussions regarding animals that she is unable to shoot from a helicopter.

Apparently, Governor Palin did not know that she should be offended by Senator Obama’s comments until McCain’s campaign told her that Obama really meant something completely different than what he said. Rick Davis, McCain’s campaign manager apparently owns the only known “Obama to racist, sexist and ageist” decoder ring in existence. This ring is reportedly able to translate messages coming from the Obama campaign into what Obama and Joe Biden really meant. According to Rick Davis's decoder ring, Senator Obama's comments can be translated as follows:

"They're saying 'we're for change too" actually means "Republicans are the only ones for change."

"The same folks that have been in charge for the last eight years" actually means "try try again. The republicans need another eight years to fix the screw ups they made the first eight. We should all give McBush a chance."

"You can put lipstick on a pig. It's still a pig" means "Obama hates you and Palin is a pig."

"We've had enough" means "Obama is a Muslim and Michelle Obama will eat your children if her husband is elected."

Apparently Rick Davis was unable to translate Barack Obama’s lipstick on a pig comment and disseminate the translation to all of John McCain’s surrogates as John McCain’s daughter said that the pig comment was not a big deal because daddy says it all of the time.

The accuracy of the decoder ring was recently put to the test when Democratic Vice Presidential candidate Joe Biden said, “"I hear all this talk about how the Republicans are going to work in dealing with parents who have both the joy ... and the difficulty of raising a child who has a developmental disability, who were born with a birth defect. Well, guess what, folks? If you care about it, why don't you support stem cell research?" McCain’s campaign announced the translation of Biden’s comments as, “Governor Palin doesn’t love her Down Syndrome baby.”

Unsubstainiated rumors claim the Obama to “Obama to racist, sexist and ageist” decoder ring was created by sorcorer Karl Rove who also created the “Votes over lives” decoder ring that was able to prove the existence of non-existent weapons of mass destruction, links between Osama Bin Laden and Iraq and that evangical Christianity is the only valid religion and all other religions should be shot from helicopters like the lame moose they are.

While the McCain campaign has issued several statements along the lines of "You're rubber and I'm glue. What you say bounces off me and sticks to you," it has yet to respond to how John McCain and his 90% alignment with George Bush's policies represents changes. It has yet to respond to why is does not embrace life saving stem cell research or other scientific advances. It has yet to answer as to how Governor Palin spending the funds for the bridge to nowhere represents change from the pork enriched government.

That ungrateful brat

2008-09-06T19:42:00.000-07:00

My wife took the kids to karate class. The older ones (5 and 6 years old) joined right in the exercise but Baby Sammy started to get fussy. My wife told the girls that she would walk Baby Sammy outside but would watch most of the class through the studio’s picture windows. A couple of minutes later my 6 year old catches my wife’s eye and starts jumping up and down excitedly. She’s holding one hand up in the air with thumb and index finger extended in an “L”. My wife just stood there. We don’t use the loser sign in our house, at least not where the kids can see. We’ve never seen either of the kids use it. This is the end of summer break and the girls haven’t been around other kids to learn it. Most importantly my wife had a good day with the girls. Why is the 6 year old calling my wife a loser and looking so happy about it. 10 seconds tick by. My daughter is still jumping. 20 seconds tick by. My wife’s jaw is still hanging in the wind. Then my wife notices that the pinky finger is also up, converting the “loser” hand single to an “I love you” sign language.

Guess the Evaporation Rate

2008-09-03T13:57:00.000-07:00

Baby Sammy and I play a game at night called “guess the evaporation rate.” Baby Sammy doesn’t like to be wet yet despite the super absorbent nighttime diapers he will have two or three pee throughs over the course of the night. The game is played by feeling Baby Sammy’s clothes to see how wet they are and then trying to determine if they will dry enough for Baby Sammy to go back to sleep by the time he is done with his bottle or if he will need a change of clothes. While the rules of the game seem simple, there are many variables to consider. Obviously, you need to determine exactly how wet his clothes are. The extremes range from “barely noticeable” to “he splashes when I try to burp him.” Most pee throughs range somewhere between those extremes. One must also consider where the pee through is located on his clothes. A wet spot over his diaper is scored much differently than a wet spot under his armpit. Location of the wet spot is also important when considering how one holds Baby Sammy while feeding him. If both you and Baby Sammy are touching the wet spot while he drinks his bottle then the heat of both of your bodies evaporate the wet spot much quicker. Finally, one must consider how hungry Baby Sammy is likely to be. Typically he drinks less earlier in the night and more later in the night. This difference in feeding could double or triple the time the spot has to evaporate. One wins by minimizing the amount of time and effort one must exert before going back to bed.

Baby bag

2008-08-31T18:08:00.000-07:00

The first time we left the house with our first child it took my wife and I 45 minutes to leave the house. My wife had a list entitled “Check List For New Born Diaper Bag” from a book she bought. I had gone online and found a check list called “absolutely necessary items for your new born bag.” The lists were not the same so we had to check each of our lists against each other. When there was a discrepancy between the lists we went with the higher amount. For the hour trip we had five diapers, three changes of cloths, two changing pads, three bottles (even though my daughter was breast fed) and an array of ointments.

Today we visited some friends who live an hour away and brought our third child. We were planning to stay a few hours so I threw in a couple of bottles. My wife had restocked the bag the other day. It was heavy when I tossed it into the minivan. After a couple of hours Baby Sammy started to cry, so we looked into the bag. There was a coloring book, two boxes of crayons, some mail we’ve been looking for, several toys and a diet coke. While there were two large bottles, there was only a half a bottle’s worth of formula. We gave Baby Sammy that and he calmed down. He wasn’t content but he was calm so we decided to stay for awhile longer. When it was time to leave, I went to change Baby Sammy since he hadn’t had a clean bottom in a while and his package was looking quite large. Baby Sammy doesn’t like to be wet. The crayons didn’t help. The toys didn’t help. Nothing in the bag resembled a diaper. We decided it was time to head home in a hurry. As soon as we hit the freeway the minivan started to be unresponsive. We didn’t fill the gas tank either.

We got off on the first exit that claimed to have a gas station. A mile off the freeway we hadn’t seen a gas station but saw many lovely trees. Then we saw the sign. It read, “Duck Crossing.” Rule of thumb, there are no gas stations near duck crossings.

crappy boy

2008-08-29T18:21:00.001-07:00

My wife was holding Baby Sammy and we were both making cute little baby talk to him. His expression changed a little and his aroma changed a lot. In the same tone as I was just talking to him, I asked, "Sammy are you a crappy boy?" His face squished up, his lip assumed pout position and he shook his head vigorously. He claimed he is not a crappy boy. I still had to wipe something off his little butt.

Giving my wife the finger

2008-08-19T19:28:00.000-07:00

I was in an argument at work. I came home angry and started pouring my heart out to my wife. As I passionately told her my story, I punctuated each point with a hand gesture but my wife kept looking around the room. When I needed her to listen, she wouldn’t look at me. I started to get angry with her and snapped at her to listen to me. She said, “I’m trying but you keep pointing. I’m trying to see what you are pointing at.” Apparently my punctuations were done with my indexed finger extended for all apparent purposes. . . me pointing.

peeing on my floor

2008-08-17T20:24:00.000-07:00

I came home and my wife calls out in a cheery voice, “Daddy, do you know what your daughter did? She peed on the floor. Isn’t that great? We have to get her a reward.”

My wife sounded sober and there were no near empty margarita glasses near her. I could detect no sarcasm in her voice and no invitation for me to honestly answer exactly how great I thought it was for my daughter peed on my floor. My daughter looked proud of peeing on my floor.

“Alright!” I unconvincingly cheer. “Good job honey!”

Today, my wife was getting ready to give the girls a bath. She had them go to their rooms and undress. My youngest daughter came running out of her room (naked) and pisses all over the hallway. My wife started to get upset but then my oldest daughter spoke up.

Apparently yesterday my daughter had yet another accident on the carpet in our house that is mostly wood floors. My wife, in frustration, tells my daughter if she is going to have an accident try to have it on the wood floor. It is easier to clean there. So when my youngest daughter peed on the hardwood floor in the hallway instead of on the carpet in her room, she was doing as she was told. We celebrated.

Top 5 recommended amount of corner time

2008-08-15T07:27:00.000-07:00

In my house we use time outs in the corner as punishment. My wife and I investigated what a reasonable amount of time in the corner would be. Generally speaking the various sources all agreed that 1 minute in the corner per year of the child’s age is effective without being unreasonable. My wife and I have come up with alternative recommendations:

1.) Stay in the corner until I’m not mad anymore – a great parental tool for when the kids a driving you crazy and breaking everything in their room seems like a good idea.

2.) Stay in the corner until I finish dinner – this is a good one if you have a nice steak for dinner. If you spend time fighting with the kids, the steak will cool and not be so enjoyable. Some times I don’t wait for the kids to do anything wrong. I just send them in the corner based on how good dinner smells while its cooking.

3.) Stay in the corner until you can tell my why I sent you into the corner – this is most effective if you can’t remember why you are punishing the kids but you are sure that they deserve punishment.

4.) Stay in the corner until you sister leaves – this time is most effective when the kids seem drawn to fight and one of them is going somewhere anyway. You can’t put the one who is leaving in the corner because then she couldn’t get ready.

5.) Stay in the corner until I leave – I’ve found that this one is most effective for me when I’m running late for going to work. I little time out is just what I need.

Middle Aged Dementia

2008-08-13T18:53:00.001-07:00

I grew up in an age where computers were the norm. Every child had some version of a computer at home, although most of us didn’t know what to do with it. I remember a Texas Instruments that we owned. Every couple of minutes you had to swap cartridges to give the thing the next section of code. My brother was the best programmer I knew at the time because he was able to program the screen to change colors to the beat of a Pink Floyd LP. He had to adjust the timing if the weather was too hot or cold.

I never considered myself a programmer but I stay fairly competent with the programs I used regularly. Since I work in an office, I mainly used spreadsheets and occasionally looked up something on the internet. Now that I’ve started blogging I realize just how much I need to learn. It isn’t enough to blog but apparently I’m supposed to have myspace, facebook and youtube too (or is it you tube). I’ve never used google as a verb in a sentence. I did try to use yahoo as a verb once but that didn’t go over too well. Do you know that I actually shop in this thing called a mall. I have never purchased anything from ebay and I think craigslist should be craig’s business and no one elses’. Leave poor craig alone.

Flying on empty

2008-08-11T06:04:00.001-07:00

Pilots and flight dispatchers are complaining that airlines are putting less fuel into aircraft in order to save money. Fuel weighs around seven pounds per gallon, so if a plane lands with 1000 gallons of unused fuel, the plan carried 7,000 pounds of excess weight. Carrying that weight is expensive. Unfortunately the airlines are unable to guess exactly how efficient a plan will be on any given flight. It may have to idle for extra long on the runway or the head winds might be stronger than expected, slowing the plane down and requiring extra fuel. It might be as simple as the pilot has a lead foot. AAA keeps telling us that driving over the speed limit cuts down on our fuel efficiency. It probably holds true for planes.

Given that they extra fuel may keep the plane in the sky just long enough to reach my airport, I think I should have a vote what I value (in weight) enough to trade for more fuel. Here’s my list:

That stewardess who sits in the extra seat, reading magazines and yells stay in your seats every time the line for the bathroom gets a little long should be left at home. She must be worth 30 gallons of extra fuel.

There always seems to be an abundance of blue water in the bathroom. I would guess that weighs about the same as fuel, therefore, I propose we only bring enough blue water for one flush per toilet. Mid-weigh through the flight, the stewardess can go through and flush the toilets. We might stink a bit when we land. I would rather land stinky and crash with a fresh pine scent. That must be worth 200 gallons.

Some flights actually provide some sort of food. The meal seems to always include boiled carrots. I haven’t seen anyone actually eat those boiled carrots and live. Therefore, I propose we cut out the boiled carrots. That must be worth 2 gallons of fuel.

Every time I’ve flown, I have had an issue finding a place to stuff my oversized carryon bags because the bins are filled with cheap dirty blankets and pillows. No one in their right mind would actually allow these germ traps to touch their bodies. Therefore, I propose removing all blankets and pillows. That must be worth 20 gallons.

I have just traded those few creature comforts for an extra 252 gallons of fuel.

Baby crib placement techniques

2008-08-09T18:00:00.000-07:00

Given Baby Sammy’s propensity to have multiple pee-throughs and pee-arounds a night (see my July 30 post “Baby Talk” for definitions http://inandoutoftruth.blogspot.com/2008/07/baby-talk.html) we have researched techniques for baby crib placement management. The results of our research and home trials are have left us with two viable techniques. Please note that changing the cribs sheets multiple times in the night is not an option. That is just too hard and we only own three crib sheets. We would have to do a load of crib pee sheets every day.

The first technique is the “four square” crib placement. This is a simple method where you place the baby’s head in one corner and have the body go the length of the crib. I suggest placing the baby in the hardest corner to reach first because the first placement is when you have the most strength. When the baby has a pee through, change the kid and now place his head in the opposite corner. This puts the pee a good half a body length away. If there is a second pee-through, change the kid and then place his head in one of the remaining two corners. If third pee-through occurs, change and place baby in final corner. If fourth pee-through occurs, change baby and place in bathtub.

Baby Sammy can fill the bathtub even after the fourth pee-through. Therefore, we have developed a more aggressive technique. Place babies feet in far corner with body running the length of the crib. With each pee-through change baby and move toward opposite side of the crib six inches at a time. The baby’s feet might still be in the lake but those can be wiped the next day. Don’t worry overly much about that. Once the baby’s head reaches the other side of the crib, flip him around and start going the other direction. You should be able to get through 8 pee-throughs in a given night.

Cindy McCain Buffalo Chip

2008-08-08T06:33:00.000-07:00

I don’t know if there is any historical precedent for this but it was in the movie Troy, so how inaccurate could it be? Achilles is the hero of one army. Some mean looking giant of a fellow is the hero of another army. Instead of having tens of thousands fight and thousands die, Achilles and the giant fight. Achilles did some fancy ballet move and killed the giant, claiming victory for his army. The war was over no muss no fuss.

This week John McCain joked that his wife, Cindy, should enter the Buffalo Chip semi-nude hot chick contest in front of 50,000 bikers. I’m sure McCain was just joking. There’s no way that we would pimp out his wife for 50,000 votes. Would he?

What does champions fighting have to do with a presidential elects wife competing in a best breasts contests, you ask? I’ll tell you. Since McCain started the idea of utilizing his wife’s assets in this way, what if we go global with it? Instead of fighting battles where men and women on both sides of the conflict die horrible deaths, let’s have the spouses of leaders do hot body contests. Perhaps they could just do a bikini contest regarding conflicts over trade deals. Then we up the stakes to a wet T-shirt contest if the conflict involves hostages and the Full Monty instead of invading a country.

Another Geneva Convention would have to be held. Instead of setting rules of proper treatment for prisoners of war, it would have to set other standards, for example when is a thong appropriate in combat versus traditional bikini bottoms, can the T-shirts be cut or modified in anyway and what sort of augmentation are the champions allowed.

With war being fought by our champions, it may affect my vote. While Cindy McCain may be more physically appealing, Michelle Obama seems much smarter and has a stronger personality. I’ve always found intelligence and personality appealing. Ralph Nader or Bob Barr are out.

Space Camp

2008-08-06T13:39:00.000-07:00

My six year old went to a local two-day space camp. The five year old was signed up but a summer bug kept her home. When my six year old was three she knew all of the planets, including newly discovered ones in the Kuiper Belt. For each planet, she knew the about it’s atmosphere, the number of moons it had, it’s color, it’s temperature and anything else I could remember from frantic internet searches.

Being a proud dad, I made her perform like a new dog. Sit, shake hands and tell me what’s longer: Venus’s day or year. At first, I tried to have adults ask her questions about the solar system but nobody in my family knew enough to ask any questions. I put an end to the question and answer period when my mom asked, “Is the moon made out of cheese?” Even at three, my girl knew that was a stupid question. My mom didn’t know.

After awhile, I couldn’t remember any more facts about the solar system. I would look up more facts and stuff my head full of them. By the time we had a chance to talk about all I had learned the facts all fell out of my head. Little bits of information like who was the first person to walk on the moon, how many rings does Saturn have and how wide is Olympus Mons (it’s a mountain on mars) lay littered on the floor of our house. My wife checked out space books from the library for me to look up facts. That didn’t work so well so my wife checked out books for us to read to my daughter. My daughter noticed in one of the books that Olympus Mons (I brought it up in the last sentence on purpose – it’s all coming together now) appeared to be too flat in the picture because NASA claimed it was the tallest mountain in the solar system. You can use that bit of trivia around the dinner table tonight if you want. My daughter had me email NASA to argue the height. She asked the question and I just typed. NASA actually emailed back with facts and figures.

By five, her interests moved on to Tinker Bell’s fairy friends and much of the planet information was lost. When my wife suggested this space camp, I didn’t think my six year old would be interested but I was wrong. (I should listen to my wife more. I’m not going to but I should). My daughter had designed her own space backpack with radios and keys to get back into the space station. She created a space lab with it’s own rocket on a swivel, just in case the lab needs to fly around. Luckily, this time my daughter can read. Now my wife can check out books for my daughter to read to herself.

John McCain's Straight Talk left behind inflating tires

2008-08-05T12:19:00.000-07:00

John McCain’s Straight Talk Express pulled over to inflate its tires at a local convenience store on Monday. Straight Talk went into the food market to pick up snacks for the spin group still hard at work on the bus. Unfortunately in all of the commotion, no one noticed Straight Talk had left the bus and the bus drove off, leaving Straight Talk behind.

Since Straight Talk was no longer allowed to participate in McCain’s strategy and communication team meetings, it’s disappearance wasn’t noticed until the following day when McCain campaign manager Rick Davis looked for Straight Talk for Rick Davis’s daily workout session of kicking Straight Talk’s tail around the bus. When Straight Talk could not be found, the McCain camp originally communicated through it’s honorary spokesmen, Fox News, that Barack Obama must have parted the seas and sent Paris Hilton and Britney Spears to abduct Straight Talk. Only once that accusation was proven false did secondary spokespersons Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity start accusing Obama of the abduction.

The McCain camp has forbidden Straight Talk from carrying a cell phone as Straight Talk might contradict all prior communications from the McCain camp. Straight Talk may communicate items such as Barack Obama’s energy plan has nothing to do with inflating tires or tire gauges, even though all professional automotive organizations and major McCain supporters Joe Lieberman, Mike Rogers, Charlie Crist and Arnold Schwarzenegger have suggest proper vehicle maintenance to maximize fuel efficiency and that John McCain knows drilling will not significantly decrease gas prices. Additionally, there is concern that Straight Talk's communications would not provide news organizations, such as CBS with Katie Couric, enough time to edit Straight Talk's messages before releasing to the masses. McCain's communications team has stressed the absolute necessity of disporting their campaign leader's , namely John McCain's, replies before consumption by the American voter. The campaign's official position is that American citizen's right to know more about who is running for president only applies to Barack Obama.

Lacking any official means to communicate, Straight Talk remains missing. The McCain camp has released the following announcement, “While Straight Talk is dearly missed campaign obligations will prevent the McCain team from actively searching for Straight Talk until after November. Straight Talk, if you hear this message, know that you are loved and keep your mouth shut unless you are going to say Obama abducted you.”

The differences between the first child and the third child

2008-08-04T06:38:00.000-07:00

The differences between the first child and the third child, early months:

The first child slept in a bassinette in our room for eight months.
The third child was moved to his own room (with a monitor) by the fourth month.

When the first child made any noise at night we jumped up to check on her.
When the third child makes lots of noises at night, I turn down the volume on the monitor.

When the first child cried during the day, we gave her a bottle.
When the third child cries during the day, we give him a bottle and ask the first child to get a bottle for daddy out of the fridge.

When the first child pooped in the tub, I would drain the tub, wash the tub, refill the tub and finish the bath.
When the third child poops in the tub, we play scoop the poop, finish the bath and try to remember to tell my wife not to nibble on his toes until after the next bath. I try.

Being home alone with the first child was stressful and difficult.
Being home alone with the third child is a pleasure as long as first and second child are in school or camp.

When the first child accomplished anything, we checked two or three books to make sure she was on track and to see if there was anything we could do to help encourage her development.
When the third child accomplishes anything . . . really when did he accomplish anything? The first child is doing two digit math in her head going in to 1st grade. The second child hasn’t started kindergarten yet but reads to us. What did he do? Roll onto his side? Whooooooo!

Search engine fun

2008-08-02T18:04:00.000-07:00

I use sitemeter to see how people come to my site. I get very few visitors from search engines and I enjoy seeing what their search terms were before arriving to my site. Maybe, I think, I could learn what people are looking for and create posts to bring to me.

Before I talk about how people were searching for I'm going to mention a few things that I write about. I'm a parent of three kids 6 years old and younger. My wife and I have built our lives around these little leaches, I mean kids. So many of my posts are above the kids and things I think are entertaining about the kids. I've written about children's diaries, diaper accidents, circumcision and how big my butt is to them. I'm also pretty interested in politics and news today. I tend to be a centrist but I really can't stand the Sean Hannity's of the world. I believe their agenda/ratings over truth is dangerous. They lead too many small minds into the wrong battles. Therefore, I've written about Sean Hannity, martyrs (and the virgins they are promised - my attempt at humor) and elections.

So after all of that, what were the searchers looking for:
Cock mutilations
Wet diaper virgins
Sean Hannity

As of yet, there have NOT been searches regarding "Hannity in a wet diaper" but I'm waiting.

Entrecard Contest

2008-08-01T12:44:00.000-07:00

Design my entrecard. I need a better 125 pixel by 125 pixel. The one I designed is on the front page of my blog. It needs to be consistent with the title "The truth is out there. Don't let it in." as well as the content. Most of my content is either things I find funny about parenting/children or about politics.

Submit a link to the entrecard you designed for my contest in a comment to this post by August 8th. I will select the one I like best by August 11th and reward the winner. The winner can either have A.) 500ec or B.) I will link to your site on my blog roll and leave up for no less than 3 months, I will leave 5 content related comments on your blog by August 15 and I digg/stumble 3 of your posts (you tell me which ones). Either way I will write a post about the winner and include a link.

Don't use pictures you don't have rights to and by entering the contest you give me the right to use the image if you win. The image must be 125 by 125 pixel JPG. (I won't use those that didn't win).

Politician at the door

2008-07-31T19:26:00.000-07:00

I was showering the kids and the doorbell rang. My wife we dealing with the boy so I ran down to greet a rather large smiling man on our porch. I’m not a small man. I’m comfortably over six foot and check out my post about my lovelies for an idea of my girth. See it here: http://inandoutoftruth.blogspot.com/2008/07/my-lovelies.html . This man made me feel a little small but his smile seemed genuine.

He introduced himself as Bob DaSilva and he is seeking to become Rhode Island state representative. A politician was at my door. Now when Barack Obama was looking to become the candidate we had swarms of college kids doing a politically motivated version of Ding Dong Drop but instead of running after they rang the doorbell, their jaws would drop when I started asking questions about Obama’s policy. This was actually the politician at my door. I felt so important.

I had come from shampooing the kids. I still had my work shirt on but unbuttoned to my navel and my shirt sleeves we rolled up as high as they could go. I had my slacks still on but I didn’t have on shoes or sock. I was also wet and covered in shampoo foam. That is how I met Bob Silva. His first comment to me was, “Washing the kids? That’s how I look when I wash mine.” He shook my hand and then casually flicked off some of the shampoo I dripped onto him. I immediately liked him.

Bob is a democratic candidate seeking to replace State Representative Henry Rose who is retiring at 67. It was nice to shake his hand (shampoo and all), he really did seem to be a likable guy, but I had questions before I would support him. First, I asked, how did he feel about Rhode Island State Senator Paiva-Weed, the democratic Rhode Island Senate Majority Leader, blocking a vote on a bill requiring the use of E-verify. I wrote about it here: http://inandoutoftruth.blogspot.com/2008/06/its-out-own-fault.html . Basically, E-verify is a system were employers can go online and verify the working status of new employees. If the employee doesn’t show up in the system, the employee can challenge it immediately and correct any mistakes. If there weren’t any mistakes, that person is not eligible to legally work in the United States. Paiva-Weed refused to allow the legislature to vote on the bill. She killed the democratic process and didn’t allow our representatives to even vote. Bob is from the same party and was appropriate but basically said that the legislature should have had the opportunity to vote. I warmed to Bob some more but I had another question.

I asked Bob about the use of the Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) database. This database is something law enforcement departments can use to submit identification checks on individuals. It will tell if the person is in the United States legally. It will also alert ICE if there is someone who needs to be deported. At this point, I probably was coming across as some racist. Bob could have told me what a racist wanted to hear and say run every hombre through the system and deport everyone who has a tan or darker skin but he didn’t. Bob told me he was a police officer and believed in enforcing the law. He would not support profiling or running anyone will dark skin through ICE for every speeding ticket. One the other hand, he would support running ICE checks on anyone who was arrested and brought to the police station. Luckily, I do think there are a lot of great American citizens who come from central and south America and profiling would be against their constitutionally granted rights. I do support ICE ID checks on all arrests.

I know I have preached voting 3rd party from president down to dog catcher but I think Bob DeSilva is going to get my vote.

Here are a few articles relating to Bob DeSilva:
http://www.boston.com/news/local/rhode_island/articles/2008/06/03/state_rep_henry_rose_to_step_down/
http://www.projo.com/news/content/EB_EPROV_ROSE_3_06-03-08_HQACAO8_v29.3b7a83e.html
http://bobdasilva.com/

Baby Talk

2008-07-30T12:09:00.000-07:00

I thought I should define some language for non-parents in reading some of my posts.

Pee-through - the diaper was overwhelmed with pee. The diaper is completely full and so everything around child is wet.

Pee-around - the diaper was avoided. The diaper is basically dry but the area around child is wet.

Poop-through - See "pee-through" but texture and either brown or green color added

Poop-around - see "pee-around" but texture and either brown or green color added. Leading theory is poop traveled directly up crack between butt cheeks.

and the worst offender - Stealth poop-through - similar to standard poop-through but child looks completely clean and innocent to casual observer. Stealth poop-through only is discovered when parent slides hands beneath child to pick said child up. Usually accompanied by parents

Sean Hannity Unamerican

2008-07-29T19:07:00.000-07:00

Sean Hannity has the Stop Obama Express dedicated to opposing Obama in all cases up to the election and beyond if Obama wins. Hannity has dedicated himself and his program to this opposition. Hannity dedicates himself to opposing Obama even if Obama's position agrees with Hannity. Hannity is putting a vindictive Right is right policy ahead of what is best for America.

Additionally, the pentagon agrees that Obama was not going to bring the press and camera to visit the troops and yet Hannity has a little song talking about Obama not visiting the troops because Obama couldn't bring the cameras. Clearly Hannity (through his show) is lying. Apparently, lying and the resulting ratings is more important than what is best of America.

Therefore, I'm going to give my first Great Unamerican award to Sean Hannity.

Oh man

2008-07-28T18:04:00.000-07:00

The baby sleeps in another room but my wife and I have a monitor in his crib. Basically we can hear every burp, cry or other bodily noise. We don't have formal system on who gets the baby when he cries. Basically who ever hears him cry first has to measure what will be more difficult, feeding the kid or waking up the spouse and convincing him/her to go feed the baby. Last night the baby woke up at three and my wife wisely evaluated getting me up to feed the baby this time would be too difficult. Through the monitor I could hear my wife enter the baby's room. First she spoke to the baby to try and calm him without feeding him. She said something cute and in singsong. It didn't work. Then I heard fabric rubbing as my wife slid her hand across the sheets to pick him up. I tried to go back to sleep. Then she said, "oh man." It wasn't loud or upset but "oh man" usually means I can't go back to sleep. Baby Sammy did a pee-around. That is when is diaper is basically dry but everything around him was dripping wet. My wife grabbed and changed the kid. I changed the sheets. The rest of the day, I yelled a lot.

BFF

2008-07-27T18:31:00.001-07:00

There was a promotion on the radio today to win a Best Friend Forever party, called a BFF party. I’m assuming my age disqualifies me from winning a BFF party, since I’m no longer pubescent. Wouldn’t someone who is your BFF deserve a little more effort than an acronym? It only takes about 2 seconds to write BFF. Someone who is your best friend forever actually deserves the couple extra seconds it takes to write the entire words. A FWF, fair weather friend, is an acronym level friend. A MEA, mildly entertaining associate, is an acronym level friend. Someone who ranks so highly as to no only be a best friend, but one you are willing to label as a best friend forever, really deserves vowels.

Why aren't there more gay martyrs?

2008-07-25T07:17:00.000-07:00

An Islamic extremists believes if he becomes a martyr, meaning dieing in the act of killing someone else, he will go to heaven where 72 virgins will be waiting to serve him. That’s a lot of virgins. Multiply out 72 virgins by the number of martyrs and you really started accumulating some hymen.

Where are the virgins coming from? If the virgins are the female version of Islamic extremists, then some of the martyr’s motivation is suddenly more understandable. He isn’t getting any satisfaction on earth, might as well blow himself up. Ending Islamic extremist sponsored terrorism could be as simply as putting Spanish Fly in the water supply. Loosen up those bursas and put away the exploding bels.

Since the incentive is virgins, I would suspect that there aren’t very many gay martyrs. I can’t imagine they want to spend their afterlife coordinating shoes and providing fashion advice to a bunch of women who couldn’t even get laid in life. Where’s the drama in that?

What about women martyrs? Do they get 72 female virgins? If so, does that imply that women martyrs are lesbian? If they aren’t lesbian can they go on the prowl in heaven looking for a guy and would that guy need to have 72 wingmen to occupy the virgins?

Are the virgins all female? Having male virgins would allow some reward for female martyrs but would being the only women with a bunch of guys who died virgins be heaven. She’d never get any rest. All 72 of them have some serious pent up energy from a sexless life. She’d spend half her afterlife hiding behind clouds. Also I can’t image 72 dead male virgins would be much for upkeep on the heavenly home.

If there are male virgins, gay martyrs are back in play but I think there might be a better recruiting angle. Instead of telling prospective martyrs they get 72 virgins if they go blow themselves up, tell them that they will be one of the virgins to a gay martyr. The choice is clear. Either they blow themselves up on earth or they spend their afterlife blowing something else.

Finally, what if the virgins, whether male or female, gay or straight, are from other religions. What sort of major sin must one commit to die a virgin and then have to spend your afterlife in heaven as a slave to some smelly martyr? It seems like it would be worse than hell to be in heaven but to spend your afterlife with a murder who keeps trying to ride you like a camel.

Good Lies Bad Lies - tribute to McCain

2008-07-24T10:05:00.000-07:00

Sung to Good Times Bad Times from Led Zeplin, although you may know it from covers by Cracker, Phish or Godsmack.

Good Lies Bad Lies

In the days of his youth, he was a prisoner in Vietnam
Now he’s reached that age, he’ll try to use it to be the president man
No matter how he tries, he’s sucked into Bush’s tax plan

Good lies, bad lies, you know he told his share
When Obama left home with a foreign plan
Well he still seems not to care

Sixty – I fell in love with amnesty as illegal as could be
It only takes a couple of babies till citizenship you see
He swore that fence to build and support law to the end
When illegals whispered in his ear, voters lost another friend

Good lies, bad lies, you know he told his share
When honestly left him for a republican plan
Well straight talk seems not to care

He knows countries that are gone
He sure remembers countries before the telephone
He doesn’t care what the voters say
He’s going rule like Bush in each and every way
You can’t teach him countries fell apartRealize, sweet babe, his lies are pure art

Parental Morning

2008-07-23T05:51:00.000-07:00

Today started so nicely. Both my wife and I woke up before the alarm. I was still dozing but reasonably well rested. Since the kids were all asleep still, we could talk together like adults. The baby was awake and talking in his crib but he wasn’t calling out. Eventually, his conversation started to become more urgent. I went in his room while my wife took care of other things. He smiled when he saw me. There was a wet area around him and he hates to be wet. That was why he was getting more urgent. No problem, I incorrectly thought. A diaper change and new clothes and he would be content again. I took off his outfit and put a clean diaper under this old one. With one hand I raised his body. With the other hand I grabbed the front of his diaper and whipped it off. Half way through my whipping action, I realized that the diaper was also full of poop. Since I was only holding the front of the diaper, the bottom half acted like a slingshot. Chunks of brown material shot out in an arc.

After a little scrubbing, all of my lovelies were awake. We were enjoying a little family time in mom’s and dad’s bed still dressed in our night attire. Since it was hot, the boy and I weren’t wearing any shirts, not to mention my son’s shirt was dripping wet. My four year old was gently poking the chest of our four-month-old boy. He was laughing at the attention from his big sister. She said his boobies were mushy. My wife told her only girls have boobies. Boys don’t have boobies. My six year old who is smarter than the rest of us, especially around her mouth, said daddy does. Look! and she pointed to my bare chest. My day had begun.

Sean Hannity Isn't Reagan

2008-07-22T17:27:00.000-07:00

Sean Hannity’s Bitter Whine

Phil Gramm, at the time McCain’s financial advisor, said that the current economic difficulties weren’t real and are just in our heads. He called Americans a bunch of whiners. Last week, Sean Hannity mirrored the sentiment by saying, “we do whine too much.” Newt Gingrich, on air at the time, put Hannity in is placed by proclaiming, “that is the least Ronald Reagan like quote I’ve heard from you.” To an anti-thought conservative like Hannity, telling him he said something far away from Reagan is like telling a six-year old Santa doesn’t exist and mommy is the tooth fairy. I believe Hannity’s heart didn’t actually stop but medics were on hand.

I have to admit both that Hannity’s point is valid and that there is more to his quote than I presented here. The additional part of his quote minimizes his anti-Reagan comments and provides a rational context for his statement. Even with the context, as Newt said, Hannity had a momentary deviation from Reaganism. Unfortunately I’m petty. Hannity beat Obama with his bitter remarks by only playing a portion of the quote. Hannity refused to provide a context for the bitter remark. Unfortunately, Hannity bills his show as doing the major news networks’ job for them. This would imply a certain obligation to the truth. By not providing context, Hannity’s show does not live up to his own expectations and becomes just an agenda based opinion mongering show. Since I do not claim to provide a news service, I can happily refuse to provide a context and say “Hannity’s not like Reagan”, “Hannity’s not like Reagan”, “Hannity’s not like Reagan!” Since I create no expectation of being a news service, I can say that over and over and over without remorse. Back to you Sean.

My lovelies

2008-07-21T06:50:00.000-07:00

As a parent, I’m obligated to say that I love my children. I have three of them and just looking at their lovely faces fills me with joy. However, there are a few drawbacks to being a parent. Let me itemize my top five for you.

5 – Restaurant selection - We select our restaurants by what is on the children’s menu. Pre-children, I would go to a restaurant simply because I had never been there. I’ve been to restaurants where menu could have been in hieroglyphs as far as I could tell. I would order third from the top and eat whatever came to my table. Those days are gone. Instead of checking the internet for up and coming places to try, we now look at the menu online and make sure they have mac’n’cheese.

4 – I’m shrinking – I’m a big guy. I used to be 6 ft. 3 inches but now I have to round up to 6 ft. 2 inches. The cumulative weight of carrying a child or two or three with all of their accessories really weighs a man down. Each kid comes with an assortment of snacks, wipes, diapers (for the little one) and distractions. I insist on the distractions, which are a series of things mom or I can give the kid to entertain themselves for 5 minutes so we can catch a breath of air. My little lovelies don’t carry much of their own accessories. The really difficult part is that those who can walk only want to walk at the beginning of the day when I’m fresh. Near the end, when I’m worn out and tire, they’ve allowed themselves to get tired too. That’s when they want to be carried. My kids weight approximately 45 pounds, 40 pounds and 16 pounds, plus car seat (about 8 pounds) and accessories (about 12 pounds). The child weight addition to the grocery store is 121 pounds.

3 – Honesty from 3 feet and below – My oldest children’s new favorite game is sitting behind me on the couch with their legs wrapped around my hips. Then I have to stand up. Their legs are still wide open to where they wrapped around my hips. Then they show me exactly how big my butt is by pointing to the space their legs had to wrap around. That is enough on that topic.

2 – Body excretions – There is fluid (or something) coming out those kids non-stop. When my girls were younger, they could not be woken up. Believe me, we tried everything. So in the mornings, I would just carry them downstairs and put them on some cushions we had while I got ready for work and my wife showered. At the time, they still wore diapers but their bladders where up to the challenge. The diapers were able to contain their bladders’ work enough to keep the bed dry. When I picked them up, however, the diaper got squished and stale pee would drip down my stomach every morning. We had a name for it. It was a pee-through. Thankfully, they finally out grew that. This morning I hopped into bed with my eldest to wake her. I got enough movement that I called it a success and when to the middle child. I hopped into bed with her and I heard a splash. It was like a Nestea plunge. I got her cleaned up and got dressed. I picked up the baby to go down stairs and he pooped around his diaper onto my shirt. Not a lot but enough. I’m so used to it, that I didn’t even change. All day today I can look at the little brown green stain on my arm and think fondly of my little lovelies.

1 – Lack of sleep – My middle child, the Nestea plunge girl, was born with a shortened ligament in her neck. It made it so she couldn’t look left. All that rightward looking as an infant started to cause her skull to flatten. She kind of looked like some primitive tribe in National Geographic. We had to put a helmet on her for 23 hours a day. It provided a rounded surface for her skull to rest against so it could grow normally. Normally as defined by the readers of National Geographic as apposed to those pictured inside of National Geographic. Everything is fine now but between the pain in the neck and the uncomfortable helmet, she woke up four or more times a night as a baby. The eldest isn’t really that much of an elder and was still waking up once or twice a night. My wife and I looked like zombies for that first year. It got so bad that I wasn’t paying attention while I was driving and turned in front of an oncoming car. Totaled the car and kept me out of work for a week, so it wasn’t all bad. Check out “The life and times of Malady” on my blog list to the right for her experiences with just one kid. I encourage you to share it with anybody you to scare out of having babies.
To be fair, I should mention that there are positives to having kids. I can think of one. Wherever I am, what ever I’m doing, there is a bucket of wipes around. When I travel for work and don’t have the kids around, I’m terrified of spills and random icky things. Granted there are a lot fewer icky things without the kids but I don’t have my wipes.

Nancy Pelosi Failure of the House

2008-07-18T08:26:00.000-07:00

Nancy Pelosi, Speaker of the House and Democrat, has balls. Today she said, “You know, God bless him, bless his hear, president of the United States, a total failure, losing all credibility with the American people on the economy, on the war, on energy, you name the subject.”

While I agree President Bush will go down in history is one of the worst presidents of all time, Nancy’s soapbox isn’t exactly standing on the strongest of soapboxes. The president only has a 29 percent approval rating. Congress, led by Nancy Cajones Pelosi, only has an 18% approval rating. I couldn’t find the statistic to prove this but I think more people think Elvis is alive than approve of the Congress.

The congress is supposed to be a check and balance to the president’s power and yet our congress continually rolls over and plays dead every time our constitution is threatened. Our congress has failed to pass a meaningful immigration law or a responsible energy policy. Alternative energy tax incentives are going to lapse and the end of this year because Congress, as led by Nancy, hasn’t been able to pass legislation to extend the incentives. Nancy’s congress can’t get energy extensions at a time when the cost of energy is at an all time high. This session is also the longest in 20 years that Congress has gone without passing any legislation on spending.

What has Nancy I-can’t-believe-I-still-have-a-job Pelosi been up to, instead of passing valuable legislation, that is? Well she has successfully prevented impeachment proceeding of Bush. She started that in 2006 with the comment of, “you never know where investigations might lead.” Wow. Maybe the would have led to impeachment of a terrible president and the removal of power from a whole host of people who haven’t done their duties to the United States of America and it’s citizens, for example . . . Nancy don’t-look-at-the-facts-because-I-won’t-like-what-you-will-see Pelosi.

Nancy party-before-America Pelosi has also been actively trying to get more Democrats into congress. She says that it part of her job as Speaker. Quite frankly, as a thinking American, I don’t care if there are more Democrats or Republicans. Nowhere in the job description on a Congressperson does it read, “get more of my party in power.” She, and the rest of the slackers taken together we like to call Congress, have duties to perform to make our country better. In the end, Nancy if-its-good-enough-for-me-than-good Pelosi has been more concerned with personal and party power and we The United States of American, have suffered for her success.

The answer is blowin' in the wind

2008-07-17T07:58:00.000-07:00

How many flips must a candidate flop
Before the voters know to run?
Yes, ‘n how many John Hagees and Reverend Wrights
Before the voters stop having fun?
Yes, ‘n how many times must a candidate pander, either to the left or the right
Before the rot has begun?
The answer, my friend, is votin’ third party,
The answer is votin’ a third party.

How many rights must the president take away
Before congress gets off its knees?
Yes, n’ how many tears must the constitution cry
Before big business is pleased?
Yes, n’ how many times must the citizens sigh
Before with a vote they do the deed?
The answer, my friend, is votin’ third party,
The answer is votin’ a third party.

How high must gasoline rise
Before the parties compromise?
Yes, n’ how many billions must politicians spend
Before democracy dies?
Yes, n’ how many times must our government fail
Before we send them to jail?
The answer, my friend, is votin’ third party,
The answer is votin’ a third party.

Congressional Raises

2008-07-16T09:50:00.000-07:00

I’ve just had my annual review (actually it was at the beginning of the year but pretending it just happened is more convenient to my post). I accomplished three of my goals. The other two goals weren’t accomplished but I made satisfactory progress. Overall my boss was happy with me (he wasn’t really but it works for this blog). Therefore, I got a three percent raise (again, made up fact).

Congress is scheduled to receive a 2.8% raise, making their annual salary $174,040 per year (approximately three times the annual HOUSEHOLD SALARY), not counting other perks and benefits they receive (all facts in this paragraph are actually factual).

What did congress do to receive a pay increase on top of their already bloated salaries, you may ask? Great question. I say that because that is the question I’m prepared to answer. Most importantly, congress has been able to increase their disapproval rating from 53% according to NBC/Wall Street Journal in 2005 up to 79% in 2008 according to the same polling organization. Why is this an accomplishment? Well, nothing unites people like a common enemy. The American public is becoming increasing united knowing that our own congress is our enemy. Keep in mind that the year is only half over. Congress is likely to increase their disapproval rating even further before year end, binding the American public much closer.

If that wasn’t enough of an accomplishment to earn an automatic raise, congress has accomplished so many things this year. It has clearly established that a baseball player and the player’s trainer will tell conflicting stories about steroid use. It has also rushed through an economic stimulus plan that ensures our great grand children will be paying for the IPODs many of us rushed out to purchase. Congress has continued the tradition of not balancing the budget through wasteful spending and lavish pork barrel projects. It also continues to defy the calls for creating an exit plan out of Iraq. Congress has also continued the traditions of not defining an immigration policy, an energy policy or a rational foreign relations policy (other than “if you are not with us, you are against us” and we will shoot you). Perhaps one of the most notable accomplishments over the past twelve months is the complete absence of Senators Clinton, Obama and McCain even though they continue to receive paychecks and benefits.

I can imagine going to my boss and saying, “Jim (his real name), I haven’t accomplished anything (except getting a Woodstock Museum in New York funded by tax payers in all of the other states), I barely show up for work and everybody here hates me. Where’s my raise? Oh, it’s automatic. Great. See you next year.”
How about this? Nobody in congress gets a raise unless it 1.) accomplishes goals set before it by voters in the previous election and 2.) its approval rating is above 50%. Note that I didn’t put any unreasonable suggestions like they have to show up for 95% or more of the votes. I didn’t mention harsh evaluation items like being arrested for sexually harassing interns or misappropriation of funds barring you from your raise, just for that year. I’m not even suggesting that if you take 18 months off the job to run as president, you need to take a leave of absence and suspend your pay and benefits.

Obama the Muslim President, not that he is Muslim

2008-07-15T09:55:00.000-07:00

Let’s say Obama really is a Muslim. Worst case, he is an America hating Muslim. In that scenario, he could arrange with fellow extremists to attack and destroy the most important American symbol, namely the president. If he manages that our problem is solved.

Michelle Obama is a pretty strong woman. I just don’t see her putting up with the second-class citizenship women have under extremist Muslim doctrine. Therefore, he is more likely a moderate Muslim. In that case, he wouldn’t arrange attacks on the U.S. but he would stop and pray facing Mecca five times a day. I worked for a Muslim boss before. In fact, 80% of the office was Muslim. Five times a day, I was among a very small group of upright people. Other than requiring me to suppress my inner urge to play leapfrog, they were non-offensive. My office workers had to make up the time at the end of the day. I don’t think presidents really have an end of the day. Therefore, the more time he spends looking a Mecca, the less time he would have messing up the country.

The truth is out there . . . don't let it in: test

2008-07-14T13:01:00.000-07:00

The truth is out there . . . don't let it in: test

test

2008-07-14T12:56:00.000-07:00

I'm just trying stuff. Don't read me. Really stop reading me now. No more. Don't go any further. I would really like you to stop reading now. Ok. I'm just going to entertain myself for a minute while you look away. La de de deeeeee dee de deeee dee deee. You're still here. Read the next post on my blog. It's better. I'm especially proud of the Urinal Etiquette post and the post about campaign promises and budgets being compared to car shopping. Those ones are better. Stop reading here and go there . . . . . please. . . . . thank you.

Seatbelt Mania

2008-07-14T06:59:00.000-07:00

My wife and I grew up in the 70s. Seatbelts were something you pushed between down deep between the seats so you could squish a couple more kids into the back seat. I was one of four kids and there was no such thing as a mini-van. For most of my life, all four of us squished into the back seat of a two-door sedan. If one of us brought a friend along, the smallest kid was thrown on top of the rest of them.

We camped a lot. We had a pickup camper that sat in the back of dad’s pickup for the summer. Mom and dad sat in the pickup and the four of us, plus friends, hung out in back. There wasn’t a seat belt in the entire rig. The closest thing was an old road we used to dry out towels. As we drove if one of us kids needed something or if mom needed to make lunch, we climbed through the little window between the camper and the pickup.

Fast forward to now. We have a mini-van that claims to seat eight. We have booster seats and car seats galore. Although there are only five of us in my family, we don’t feel comfortable taking along more than two of the kids’ friends because of the size of the booster seats. My dad would have taken all the seats out of the back and piled my family and all of my cousins too.
We were backing out of our driveway and my wife hadn’t clicked in her seatbelt yet. The belt was in her hand. Clicking was eminent. She screamed at me to stop the car. I thought I ran over the cat. No. She just wasn’t clicked in yet. She was almost clicked in. She would probably had been clicked in by the time we reached the street but just not yet.

Bad Dad

2008-07-12T19:17:00.000-07:00

Alright. There is nothing wrong with the kid. He just doesn't like to sleep.

Nancy Boy

2008-07-11T10:52:00.000-07:00

Ok. I’m a bad parent. I am praying my child is sick. Something curable, mind you. He’s four months old and has almost completely stopped napping and he cries and cries and cries. (I call him Nancy Boy. Nance for short.) My wife, after a couple of hours of the no-sleeping-crying-unless-you-carry-me-around-until-your-back-hurts, called me and told me she’s taking him into the doctors. My first response was that this is overacting but now I want him to be sick. Something curable but sick. If that explains the crying and not sleeping and we can make it go away, I will be very happy.

sitemeter is pretty cool.

2008-07-11T07:42:00.000-07:00

I don’t mean to sound like a commercial but I just added sitemeter.com to my site. Another blogger The Logistician had suggested it. It is really cool and was easy to set up. To give you an idea of how easy it was, I did it and I’m ignorant about computers. Yeah I can do great things in excel but beyond that not so much.

Anyway, now I have an idea of how many people are checking out my site. There are bunch of other statistics available too, like a world map with the location of the people. Don’t worry, nothing private but it is going to be fun playing with it for a while.

It is my new toy.

where have all the homeowners gone?

2008-07-10T06:56:00.001-07:00

Where have all the homeowners gone?
Long time passing
Where have all the homeowners gone?
Long time ago
Where have all the homeowners gone?
Banks have foreclosed them every one
When will they ever learn?
When will they ever learn?

Where have all the banks gone?
Long time passing
Where have all the banks gone?
Long time ago
Where have all the banks gone?
Congress bailed them out every one
When will they ever learn?
When will they ever learn?

Where have all the congressmen gone?
Long time passing
Where have all the congressmen gone?
Long time ago
Where have all the congressmen gone?
Voters voted them out every one
When will they ever learn?
When will they ever learn?

Where have all the voters gone?
Long time passing
Where have all the voters gone?
Long time ago
Where have all the voters gone?
Evicted by bankers every one
When will they ever learn?When will they ever learn?

talking frogs

2008-07-09T13:59:00.000-07:00

I traded links with Frog in NC. Check her out.

http://froginnorthgeorgia.blogspot.com

password blues

2008-07-09T08:11:00.001-07:00

My password at work is about to expire. It does so every 90 days. I created a system for picking my next password so that for the first 30 days after the change I can log on. Otherwise, I’ll forget. The system has a second benefit that allows me to track how long I’ve been at my job. In 14 days, when my password expires, I will have changed my password 23 times. That means I’ve been here (23 * 90 days) 2070 days or 5.6 years. Today is going to be a sad day.

2008-07-08T19:48:00.000-07:00

I love watching what adsense deems is appropriate ads for my site. When I compared candidate's lying claims of balancing a budget to going car shopping (you had to be there), the ads were about cars and credit for weeks. I've posted a few things about my home state Rhode Island, so a bunch of local businesses are advertising on my site. Recently there have been a series of ads about classes in etiquette. I think that is related to when I wrote about urinals.

American laziness may give McCain the presidency

2008-07-07T18:40:00.000-07:00

Obama has continually and consistently called for the removal of troops from Iraq, except for small levels necessary to protect the embassy and American civilians. Unlike Richardson who wanted to run out of Iraq so fast he wanted to leave heavy equipment behind and Hillary who wanted to pull the troops out so she could obliterate Iran, Obama did the politically inconvenient thing and refused to commit to a date when all troops would be out. Obama said from the beginning and in every speech and debate since that he would listen to the Generals on the ground. If troop safety demanded a delay, he would delay. Safety first but still withdrawal. In a moment with the press, Obama, again, said he would bring the troops home and would refine the details as the situation demanded.

McCain, formally known as honest, latched onto the word “refine” and used it to claim Obama is a flip-flopper. The media, lazy as usual, hasn’t bothered reviewing the claim. For days, the media ran stories saying McCain claims Obama is flip-flopping again. The professional media hasn’t bothered to do any research and the common man, who typically has uncommonly low intelligence simply listens to the talking heads. The lazy media and the lazy voters listened to the GOP, costing Kerry an election. History may repeat itself and American laziness combined with McCain and Republican lies may cost Obama the presidency.

Rhode Island Paint Law

2008-07-07T07:15:00.000-07:00

A House of Representatives committee examined lead-based paint and found them to be highly toxic. “The most eminent scientists and doctors . . . reached the conclusion that white lead is poison,” testified Marion E. Rhodes, a representative from Missouri. A big was introduced in May of that year in the interest of public health. The bill required for federal regulation concerning the manufacture, sale and use of any paint containing white lead. Also, all lead-based paints were to be labeled with a skull and crossbones and with the words “Poison: white lead.” The bill was defeated. The year was 1910.

Twenty one years later, the president of the National Lead Company, Edward J. Cornish, admitted in a letter to the dean of the Harvard Medical School, David Edsall, “manufacturers as a result of fifty to sixty years experience, agreed that lead is a poison when it enters the stomach of man – whether it comes directly from the ores and mines and smelting works or from the ordinary forms of carbonate of lead, lead oxides, and sulfate and sulfide of lead.” Within a year 400 delegates from 40 nations met at the Third International Labor Conference of the League of Nations and discussed the regulation of lead and lead-based paints. As a result many European counties started bans or restrictions on the use of white lead paint. France, Belgium and Austria were ahead of the rest of Europe by enacting regulations in 1909. Tunisia and Greece were in 1922, Czechoslovakia in 1924, Great Britain, Sweden and Belgium in 1926, Poland in 1927, Spain and Yugoslavia in 1931 and Cuba in 1934.

In 1935, Felix Wormser (great name by the way) from the Lead Industries Association admitted, “Hardly a day goes by but what this subject (poisoning from lead-based paints) receives some attention at the headquarters of the Association.”

The National Lead Company responded by including children in it’s Dutch Boy brand’s marketing images. It created “A Paint Book for Girls and Boys” that tried to minimize the dangers of lead and it also targeted using lead paint for painting schools. Images of children playing around painted surfaces or even mixing paints were commonly used.

It wasn’t until the 1950’s that manufactures, responding to growing concern about the safety of lead-based paint, eliminated lead from their products. Twenty years later, in 1978, the United States Government finally banned the use of lead paint, 54 years after Czechoslovakia banned it’s use. In 2003, the new Rhode Island Attorney General Patrick Lynch resumes legal action against the paint companies. That case was won in 2007. In July 2008, the Rhode Island Supreme Court overturns that ruling against the paint companies.

When the original case was started in 1999, 6.9% of children tested in Rhode Island indicated unsafe levels of lead in their bloodstream. By 2007, the rate had fallen to 1.3%.
The ruling would have penalized the paint companies billions of dollars. Motley Rice, a private law firm Rhode Island outsourced this case to, would have earned a healthy percentage of billions of dollars. Motley Rice LLC labels themselves as, “. . . one of the nation’s largest plaintiffs’ litigation firms. Our attorneys and staff work hard not only for our clients, but for the causes they represent. We are working to advance the greater good – for out clients and for all society.” Motley Rice could really advance their standing in high society with a percentage of billions of damages from one state alone. Had they won the case for Rhode Island, they would have been the law firm of choice for, not only other states, but for many counties, cities and towns wishing to take legal action against the paint comp

2008-07-03T12:00:00.000-07:00

A simple regression with shows the incidence of lead poisoning by birth cohort heavily influences the number of children shown as proficient in reading and math. In fact, it shows the percent of children testing positive for lead poisoning explains as much as 22% of the variability of school performance.

Comments on Society, Politics, Business, & Entertainment Industry.: McCain vs. Obama

2008-07-01T14:05:00.000-07:00

Comments on Society, Politics, Business, & Entertainment Industry.: McCain vs. Obama

Mr. Horn, House Sitter.

2008-07-01T13:15:00.000-07:00

Last year, Mr. Horn saw two men break into his neighbor’s house in a small community in Texas. Mr. Horn quickly called 911. He continued to speak to the 911 operator while waiting for the police to arrive. Unfortunately the two men started to leave carrying a bag of items they stole from his neighbor. Mr. Horn told the 911 operator he was going to stop the thieves, grabbed his shotgun and went outside. He confronted the men, when they started to run, he shot and killed them. This week, a grand jury concluded that there was no case against Mr. Horn. He is free. This story is very topical because the Supreme Court recently ruled that Americans have the right to own guns.

To me, the real question is what sort of present should the neighbor give Mr. Horn. When I’m away and a neighbor watches my house or even feeds my cat, I give a little something. A token from the trip I went on. I don’t give anything really grand but something more than a postcard. If feeding my cat earns someone a set of drinking glasses with “My neighbor went to Somewhere and all I got were these lousy glasses” printed on them, what does shooting two men in the back earn? Whatever it is, it had better not piss off Mr. Horn.
If you lived in the neighborhood and were going on a trip, would you ask Mr. Horn to watch your place?

it's our own fault

2008-06-23T14:09:00.000-07:00

It’s Our Own Fault

But we can fix it. According to an ABC News/Washington Post opinion poll, 82% of Americans felt our country was on the “wrong track.” This is the most impressive outpouring of American pessimism since the 1970’s. Respondents point their fingers at gas prices, the war in Iraq, fear of terrorism and concern that Johnny and Steve are finally going to get married. At no point, did any respondent step up and say, “I’m to blame. The country, my country, is doing things I don’t like. It is rushing quickly into a darkness known as the future and it’s all my fault.”

Gone are the days of “the buck stops here.” President Truman roll over in your grave now. No one is embracing the responsibility that comes with freedom. Foolishly and embarrassing ignorantly, most Americans believe we live in a democracy. It simply is not true. I don’t mean the-politicians-are-all-purchased-by-big-corporations lack of democracy frightened little people whine about over their lattes or Milwaukee’s Best. I mean the Constitution of the United States establishes the United States as a republic. What? Those few of you who have read this far may be wondering. A democracy is a form of government where the citizens have to vote on the issues. A republic is where the citizens vote for a government to handle most of the issues on our behalf. Really. Who would want to live in a democracy? Especially one as big as the U.S. Every couple of weeks a whole new round of issues would await you at the polls. It is hard enough to build a quorum at the polls four years, imagine trying to get people to vote every month.

Interesting? Probably not. Most likely you don’t care, so why did I bother wasting your time splicing hairs about a democracy and a republic. In a democracy, since citizens have to vote for every major issue, there is no hiding behind the elected government. In a republic, too many of us treat voting like picking a mechanic. Once we pick a good one, we rely on the mechanic to tell us what is wrong with the car and fix it. We’ll just pay the bill at the end. If we don’t like the mechanic we chose, the next time we need a repair we will pick another one. Anything the mechanic did wrong isn’t our fault. It isn’t our responsibility.

Pulling the level in the voting boot is not the end of our responsibility. It really is just the beginning. We own every decision the elected government makes on our behalf, even if we voted for the other guy. It is our responsibility to monitor the government. It is our responsibility to let them know how we want the government to be run. It is our responsibility to tell the government which track it should be on.

Marco Riz, an illegal immigrant was fired from his job at the Texas Roadhouse. Frustrated by not being able to serve warm cinnamon buttered buns (they really are good at the Texas Roadhouse), Marco decided to go and rape someone. Marco isn’t exactly the type of upstanding law-abiding (other than illegally invading our country and illegally taking a job from a citizen) non-citizen immigrant enablers want you to think about when discussing soft hearted and soft headed amnesty laws. He is the knife wielding, SUV stealing, rape your women type of illegal I like to think about when discussing illegals. Marco apparently was wondering around with a 12-inch knife and happened upon a woman in a parked SUV. He hoped into the SUV and became the poster child of detestable. The brain trust officer discussing this case thought that this was a crime of opportunity. Marco just happened to run into an opportunity and took it. That doesn’t really explain why he was walking around with a 12-inch knife. The knife alone suggests this little crime spree was a bit premeditated.

Marco was the guest of the Providence police department before. There was an extradition order on Marco at the time. Unfortunately the Providence police department has elected to not follow proper procedures when checking on legal status of people it arrests. Instead of sending an electronic verification to Immigrations and Customers Enforcement (ICE), the Providence police department faxes over a hand written list of people they have arrested that day. First, I didn’t know people still owned fax machines. That isn’t really related to anything but I haven’t even seen a fax machine in years. Second, had Providence actually utilized ICE’s system, which is set up and ready to go in the Providence department, Marco would have been flagged as an illegal and perhaps deported.

Last week, Rhode Island Senator Marc A. Cote attempted to introduce legislation requiring all Rhode Island business with three or more employees to utilize Everify, a system allowing employers to quickly and easily verify the work eligibility status of new hires. Had this legislation been in effect when Marco applied at the Texas Roadhouse, he may have been refused employment. Following this line of what-ifs, had Marco not worked with those hot buttery Texas Roadhouse buns and then subsequently been fired, our friend Marco may not have been in Rhode Island to rape one of our citizens.

Unfortunately Senate Majority Leader M. Teresa Paiva-Weed (my rule of thumb, never trust anyone that needs so many names) refused to put forward Senator Cote legislation. She cited the growing hour, the lateness of the session and the other pressing issues, for example who pays for fire hydrants. Senator Paiva-Weed broke trust with the Rhode Island citizens by not allowing our representatives to vote on our behalf. One person with selfish desires has set government policy for all of Rhode Islanders. While we do not live in a democracy, Senator Paiva-Weed damages the concept that we live in a republic.

As citizens, it is our responsibility to monitor our government and to take action when our representatives fail us. Therefore, Rhode Islanders must become involved and save our community from our representatives. First, each of us must write or email our representative and insist that Rhode Island enact legislation requiring Rhode Island businesses utilize Everify. If such legislation is not enacted by November, inform your Senator you will be voting against the incumbent. Further inform your Senator you’re your expect Senator Paiva-Weed to be removed from the position of Senate Majority Leader. Second, citizens in Senator’s Paiva-Weed’s district (District 13, Jamestown, Newport) must remove her from office. Third, each of must contact our mayors and police departments with the expectation that they use ICE’s electronic verification system on all people arrested. Four, reach out to local business and ask them to voluntarily use Everify. Give you business to companies that utilize Everify.
That nothing has happened on immigration reform is our own fault. We can fix it. We simply need to inform our elected representatives that we will remove from office anyone who prevents a fair and just protection of our values.

Check out http://www.riile.org/ for Rhode Islanders for Immigration Law Enforcement

Drill Here. Drill Now. Pay Less.

2008-06-19T06:44:00.000-07:00

The old Newt is trying to become relevant again by feeding off of the oil lead energy crisis. He had launched a campaign and petition entitled "Drill Here. Drill Now. Pay Less." It's goal, other than to make people think Newt still exists, is to push congress to open drilling for oil anywhere and everywhere we have it in the U.S. The final hook for the American Ignorant is paying less at the pump. Every study done shows that if we drilled in every national treasure and through every caribou's' head, the price of oil would go down less than a percent and the price of gas may go down as much as a nickle . . . by 2020 when all of these oil fields would actually be up and running at full capacity.

Newt also has a plan to build nuclear power plants to, he claims, reduce our dependence on foreign oil (by 2025 once the plants are built). Of course, very little of our oil goes to generating electricity. Oil refineries take in crude oil and separates it into different types of fuel; e.g. gas and heating oil. If we stopped using oil to generate electricity, the quality of oil used to power those plants wouldn't have another use. It would just sit there. Nuclear is not an option to offset oil use.

So as much as I'm calling Newt a liar for falsely claiming drilling will significantly lower the price at the pump, I am for drilling. My purpose wouldn't be to lower price but would be decrease exporting American money and jobs. Additionally many of the countries that export oil are using our own money to fund military and terrorist groups against us.

I am concerned about global warming too. I'm not an alarmist but I feel there is enough possibility that global warming is real that we should take it into consideration when making long term policy. Therefore, I believe we also need to start getting off our oil addiction. What's my plan?

Do it all and do it now. Drill. Conserve. Shale. Wind. Solar. Higher CAFE standards (and raise the equivalent standards on dish washers, washing machines, etc). Convert the farm bill from providing farmers short term assistant to helping them add wind to their fields and facilities to convert farm waste into energy, providing them a second source of income for years to come. Replace income/capital gains taxes with taxes on oil, coal, virgin wood, fertilizers, tobacco, etc. It would encourage people to use less of these items and raise the economic viability of alternatives. Additionally, it would make illegals and drug lords pay taxes since taxes would be on consumption instead of production. Use global warming agreements with other countries to minimize China's and India's growth in oil usage.

and interesting read http://jtaplin.wordpress.com/2008/06/19/big-oils-iraqi-charity/

Urinal etiquette

2008-06-10T08:26:00.001-07:00

While most men do continue to support the three main rules of urinal etiquettes, men are allowing themselves to forget the finer points of appropriate urinal etiquette. The biggest of the big three is, of course, your chin line should never title below 30 degrees down. Traditionally, your chin should be tilted 30 degrees up. This explains why finer establishments place sports sections of recent newspapers at above average men’s eyelevel. (Note by “average men”, I’m referring to height). As our culture has gotten more casual and, simultaneously, more politically correct, more mainstream establishments lowered the newspaper placement to a more manageable level for shorter men. This led to a tacit acceptance of a level chin at the urinal. Of course, where standards are lowered a little, too many people attempt to lower them further. To appease the masses, the tilt of the chin is allowed to dip below level if the man relieving himself has had more than three beers. I can not stress enough that no amount of consumption of flavored martinis allows one to dip their chin below level.

The second major etiquette rule men continue to support involve appropriate conversation. Let me again reference the most traditional application of etiquette first. Tradition limits urinal conversations to the following phrases, sometimes referred to as “The Four Bests”: “Hey” “Time to break the seal” “The beer is going right through me” “See the game?”. The proper response to any of the The Four Bests is for the urinalmate to simply grunt and nod one’s head, remembering the first rule of etiquette. If your chin line is already approaching the lower end of acceptability, the head nod can either be left out entirely or accomplished by first lifting the chin and then dipping it back to its original position. Again, there has been etiquette creep and the rules for conversation are much less explicit. In less than traditional establishments, actual conversations of considerable depth can be had. For example, one may discuss the current baseball or football game. Golf is not an acceptable topic. It is increasingly becoming acceptable to reference how good it feels to finally relieve oneself but I must provide a cautionary yellow flag here. One may only reference urinary pleasure once and it can not be accompanied by an noises and/or movements of one’s hips. Repeating or expounding on exactly how good it feels is not proper etiquette. Men over the age of 50 with possible prostate issues are pardoned from the no noise rule and from the 30 degree chin line rule. They are typically focused entirely on themselves, usually saying the “Please, Lord, let me pee” prayer and should left alone. Urinalmates in this condition have enough problems that they no longer need to worry about certain rules of etiquette. Besides, most of us will be there one day.

The final rule of the etiquette big three is appropriate dismount, including the obligatory shake. There has been no dumbing down of this rule since allowing the third shake for southern states in the 1950’s. The procedure is simple but must be adhered to exactly. Shake twice (or three times if one is south of the Mason-Dixon line), button, step back and turn left. Zipping is accomplished simultaneously with the left turn. Notice that there is no proper urinal etiquette for “snaps”. If one’s pants snap, it would be best to use a stall with the door firmly closed and latched.

Where urinal etiquette appears to be slipping is with urinal selection. When there is only one or two urinals, simply approach the open urinal. When there are three or more urinal’s one must be more aware one’s surroundings and follow two simple rules. First, when possible select odd numbered urinals. For example, if there are three urinals, select the urinal on either side, the one or the three urinals. The middle urinal should on only be selected when both the one and the three urinal. The second rule is to select urinals with at least one empty urinal between oneself and men already using the urinals. One might think that if one empty urinal is good, then two empty urinals is better, space permitting. While on the surface this logic seems attractive, it does not take into consideration new urinalmates approaching after one is already committed to one’s urinal. Consider this example, one enters a restroom in a large theater. The theater is showing Bette Midler’s new movie, so the men’s room is largely empty. The only preexisting urinalmate has selected the three urinal, as numbered from the left. Using the two empty urinals concept, one may then select urinal six. If only one new urinalmate approaches before you are finished, he may select urinal one and all remains well. When another urinalmate approaches, urinals one, three and six are occupied. The natural selection would be to choose an odd numbered urinal, either five or seven both of which are next to you. The new urinalmate would rule out urinal two with two adjacent urinalmates. Urinal four would also be acceptable, but still uncomfortable.

Northern men number urinals from left to right. Southern men number urinals from right to left. When there are an odd number of urinals, both the northern and the southern counting methods result in each urinal correctly being assigned an odd number. That is in a three-urinal scenario, whether a urinal is numbered one or three it is still odd. Traditional establishments do not have an even number of urinals do to the potential confusion in selecting odd numbered urinals. Even so, occasionally establishments with even number of urinals are accepted in either the far north or the far south. If one finds oneself near the Mason-Dixon line and there are an even number of urinals, the only etiquette appropriate action is to relieve oneself in the alley behind the establishment. Alley etiquette will be discussed in a later article.

Education comparison

2008-06-05T19:36:00.001-07:00

Obama vs. McCain on Education

I went online to the official sites for Obama and for McCain and picked an issue to compare the candidates’ solutions. As I logged on, Lou Dobbs was on the T.V. discussing education. He didn’t really go into how poorly are high school graduates are; how our graduating seniors rank way to lowly compared to other industrialized countries; how companies trying to relocate call centers from India to the U.S. are having difficulty finding highly educated enough people to answer the phones. He was simply discussing our pathetic graduation rates. We only graduate 70% of our kids. It varies race. Whites were a little better than 70%. Hispanics and African Americans were a little better than 50%. Almost half! How can we possibly hope to break the poverty chain with half of these groups not graduating? It made selecting an issue to look at pretty easy. I simply pulled each candidates position on education from their own website. I’ve made zero effort to verify their claims.

First I copied McCain’s position to a Word document. At first glance, I thought it missed some and checked his site again. I got it all. It was a sparse 484 words (including the title). I don’t need a lot of words. The more words in his solutions, the more I have to read. It’s kind of ironic I don’t want to read a whole lot to write an analysis on education. I can deal with the irony. Let me sum of McCain’s proposal in two words; Choice and Accountability. That’s three words but I think it is fair to not to count “and”. Somehow, although not clear from his program, McCain relies on “honest reporting.” I’m concerned he might be considering No Child Left Behind as honest reporting. Unfortunately, NCLB doesn’t have a test. Each state or district has its own testing criteria. There is no consistent method of measuring graduation rates (note that the 70% is likely to be understated). Also there are no measurements of after school participation, extracurricular activities or internships.

Basically, McCain relies on parents seeing the reports, however honest they are or are not, then moving their children to a better school. Federal dollars (which only supplement the schools locally funded budget) would follow the child to the new school. Schools would be forced to compete to be better because if enough students leave, presumably, the school could no longer afford to stay open. Theoretically, this would drive administration and teachers to perform at their best. Unfortunately it provides zero incentives in small town America where there may be no other schools to go to. In areas where most schools are poor performing, an administration really will have no incentive to be more than mediocre. Mediocre when the competition sucks is actually pretty good.

The program works well for middle class students in areas with multiple schools in a reasonable area. Currently, many middle class parents consider school performance before deciding where to live. This will allow parents to separate the decisions of home and school. It will require commuting. That brings us to poor single parents who would have an issue commuting their kids to better schools. McCain is not proposing bussing support. He doesn’t seem to have a plan for who gets into the school. I’m assuming the best school will have more students trying to get in then it has capability for. How is the administration going to select from students. Could a person who lives across the street be left out of a school because too many people from across town want in?

McCain’s program seems like it should be a small part of a bigger program. The affects would be slow and there are too many ways where schools will have no incentive to improve.

Then to Obama’s plan. Obama is planning from birth to graduation from college. He also has a lot of effort put into leveling the education access for the poor. His plan looks at incentives for schools, teachers and students. The main issue with such a comprehensive plan is money. It will be expensive to execute. Obama and I will be always have an issue where he is going to want to spend more of my money than I will want him to spend. At least with education, I can agree on it being a priority.

A quick run down of Obama’s plan:
Provide grants to states to promote voluntary universal pre-school. My kids went to preschool part time. We tried three different schools over their preschool career. The final one they went to is one we are very happy with, but I question how much education they are receiving. This point I have to think is not worth the money.

Quadruple funding for the existing programs of Early Head Start and Head Start in addition to improving the quality of these programs. He does not admit to a plan on how to improve these programs but I am generally a fan of how these programs work currently.

He wants to provide affordably high-quality child care to ease the burden on working families. His words. I don’t really think this is the job of the federal government. Again, don’t spend my money here.

Here wants to reform No Child Left Behind to improve the assessments and the use of these tests. He wants to use the results of the tests to support the schools that need help in contrary to the current program (and McCain’s suggestion) to punish under performing schools.

To improve math and science education he wants to require more math/science teachers and create programs for math/science teachers to work with professionals in their respective fields. He will also expand and deepen the science curriculum at all grade levels.

He wants to invest in intervention strategies to minimize dropouts, providing personal academic plans, teaching teams, parent involvement, mentoring, etc.

He also wants to expand after school opportunities by doubling the funding to these programs. He has more bullet points on this subject but I’m getting tired to writing about them.

To focus on teachers, he will actively work to recruit, prepare, retain and reward teachers. Additionally, he wants to expand education credits for college. I’m concerned that throwing more money (funded by my taxes) at the colleges will raise their prices, requiring more taxes from me.

Overall, I agree with the school level programs and the teacher supports but I disagree with the cost effectiveness of both the early schooling and increasing federal funding of college.

To be fair, let me show my plan for education.
Increase funding head start, after school programs, etc.
Increase the comprehensiveness of testing with one test being applied across all states. It should include essay, grammar, science, history, etc.
Rate every school based on the test results, improvements from prior years, graduation rates, participation in programs like music, sports and clubs.
Based on these ratings, each year place the bottom performing 200 districts on a five year corrective action plan.
Allow students to go to any school subject to availability and federal funds will follow the students.
Increase teacher pay. Part of the increase can be a flat percent but the rest will be based on locally defined merit.
Increase the length of the school day and the length of the school year.
Start foreign language in 1st grade and maintain foreign language education through out high school.
Require all students to have an internship, do a semester abroad or volunteer prior to graduation.
Create meaning in high school degrees by indicating test performance as well as grade point.

It is my belief that improving the graduation rates and improving the quality of our education, fewer of our graduates will need to go to college. That alone should help with the affordability of college. As few students need college, the cost of college will slow.

Dance recital weekend

2008-06-04T18:46:00.000-07:00

Dance recital was last weekend. If you have a daughter, I assume I have your sympathy. The dance school had hundreds of dancers from three to twenty-three years old in 71 scheduled dances. My two girls as planned a year ago by my very insightful wife went to the same three classes together, limiting us to three performances instead of six. As it was, we had three dances on rehearsal Saturday morning, three dances for Saturday afternoon performance and three dances for Sunday afternoon taping. Between the two girls, it equaled 18 dances, 18 costume changes, four bouquets of flowers, four pairs of stockings, 12 shoes, sixty pictures, two tantrums and eight times daddy wished he had a beer. I lost count of how many times the girls looked bored or asked if they could go home. Next year I will bring beer.

Mad as hell.

2008-06-03T11:31:00.000-07:00

Many women seem to feel sexist elements in the media stole this presidential election from them. These women feel wronged and want to send a message. They want to loudly and clearly say, “That’s not OK!” This movement is growing more and more passionately anti-Obama. They are calling for voting McCain into the White House, despite his anti-feminist stances, in an effort to punish the media.

I understand these women wanting to harness their passion and make their voices heard. They need and they should have their American Rhetoric “I’m as mad as hell and I’m not going to take it anymore” moment. I don’t dare challenge their rights or their passion. I will suggest focusing on effectiveness. Throwing open the windows and screaming in American Rhetoric provided that gestalt release but then everyone went back to their living rooms with their toaster, their T.V.s and their steel belted radial tires. So what! That scream felt good but it didn’t outlast a bowl of cookie dough ice cream.

Voting against Obama may provide a modern day gestalt “Mad as Hell” moment in the voting booth but that scream will never be heard. How sad is it when their righteous indignation won’t be heard by the sexist media and elects someone who wishes to overturn Roe v. Wade.

Their voices can be heard. Those who wronged women can be punished. They can boycott any and all programs, channels, papers, etc. who acted with sexism. They can email the advertisers and tell the companies they will boycott their products as long as they are on such sexist channels. This will take money from the media. This will punish those who were wrong. This will focus their rage into effectiveness.

In November, vote as your conscious guides but do not let sending a message elect someone who will remove your rights to your own body.

recommended by the management

2008-05-30T12:37:00.001-07:00

A hotel near where I lived once boasted on their marquee, “This hotel is highly recommended by the management.” Wow. I wonder if that recommendation drove business for them. The only stronger endorsement, from a purely satirical point of view, is if the owners actually recommended the hotel. In order from least reliable to most reliable, it goes 1.) owners, 2.) management, and 3.) people who have never stayed at or heard of the hotel.
Now Clinton, a.k.a. the owner, is claiming she is the most electable candidate in the general election. She, to ensure her fan base continues to have faith in her recommendation of . . . well . . . herself, has suggested voters stop watching the news and reading the papers. Her basis of her electability is reliant on only counting big states with primaries (not caucuses) that consistently vote democrat and nobody actually checking the validity of her recommendation. It used to also be based on the head to head polls but those no longer favor her, so they don’t count anymore. She continues to use popular vote as a basis for electability but for her popular vote to count, she must count both Florida and Michigan (not giving Obama any votes in Michigan) and by not including estimates for caucus states. I’ll grant the Democratic Party has completely flubbed up the process this cycle and nobody can honestly count the votes. I’ll also grant that the vote is close . . . really close . . . so close that neither candidate can actually use the popular vote as an argument of electability.
When I had guests visit, I put them up in another hotel down the street. AAA had rated that one satisfactorily. With Hillary, I think I may do the same.

Mutilation, My Love

2008-05-16T09:43:00.000-07:00

My wife and I had a baby boy. In it’s first week of life we were all it new. We were the snugglers, the caregivers, the feeders and the change-my-crappy-diapers-because-cold-poo-is-unpleasant-on-my-penis-ers. Completely unable to care for itself, he trusted us and, I even believe, loved us. Like any good parents of baby boys we held our child and looked tenderly at his trusting and loving face. Then we asked someone to mutilate our child’s penis.
Before the circumcision, he had an adorable little penis. It looked like three peas in a pod. I assume that is what an uncircumcised penis is supposed to look like. I only have my own Darth Vader helmeted little friend as comparison. Well, there was that one drunken time in college where I lost 5 bucks in a size challenge. I was entirely focused on the ruler I swear and, since it was clear I could never prevail against Bruno “Tripod” Quatrone, I never competed again. Anyway, based on a comparison of one, it was an adorable and slightly odd looking little penis.
Three days after mutilating our child, his penis was still a bloody little stump. One side was higher than the other and the bottom had an unsightly bulge. Neither my wife nor I was willing to kiss it and make it better. We took him to his pediatrician. The pediatrician pulled and poked and said many noncommittal things. Finally, I said, “What I’m not hearing you say, Doctor, is ‘That’s one beautiful penis.’”
Still the doctor refused to commit. The best he said was, “It is not the best circumcision I’ve seen but it will function normally and aesthetically, it should look normal.”
“He can pee?” I asked
“Yes,” answered the doctor.
“He can give me grandchildren?” my wife asked.
“Yes,” answered the doctor.
“He won’t be called monster-cock . . . in a bad way . . . by his girlfriends?” I asked.
“He should not be called monster-cock or even Frankenstein-cock,” answered the doctor.
I felt relieved my son would have normal functioning. My wife was pleased he would be normal aesthetically although I don’t think he should have a girlfriend who has such a vast knowledge of penises that she critiques them.
I have had a penis for 37 years. I have spent a lot of time with my penis. When I was 12 through 17 years old and again when I was 25 through 29 years old, my penis was my only friend. In all of that time, I have only peed, done things related to providing my mom grandchildren (or solo-practiced anyway) and not be called monster-cock. I have experimented but that was all my penis could do. Well . . .that was all it could do well. Was there anything else? After all of these years and many, many hours I dedicated to my penis, was my penis holding back on me? What other secrets does my penis have?
After more healing, my son’s penis is looking more normal. Other parents tell me it can be a year or two before it looks completely “normal”, normal for a mutilated penis that is. I no longer have concerns about his penis but the relationship between my penis and me will never be the same. The harm there cannot be healed with time.

McCain's Narrow Road

2008-05-14T10:03:00.000-07:00

McCain walks a narrow road to nomination. On one side of the road lives the conservative republican base. On the other side of the road live moderate independents. He cannot win the general election without the support of both groups. Unfortunately for McCain, the conservatives and the independents disagree more frequently than they agree. Opposite to the grape logic first espoused by Karate Kid’s trainer Miyagi, if McCain walks on one side of the road his general election chances will be squished just like a grape. If McCain walks on the other side of the road, his general election chances will be squished just like a grape. The only way to general election is to stand firmly in the middle of that narrow road.
There is a complication to taking the middle of the road in politics. All politics necessitates pandering. As McCain panders to the middle about his success in environmental responsibility, the Conservatives gather on one side of the road and wonder if McCain will put the environment before their economic interests. They wonder if McCain values caribou more than oil. The Conservatives don’t like that. “Being stewards of god’s world is a worthy cause”, the Conservatives argue, “as long as they don’t actually have to do anything or pay for it.” McCain panders to the Conservatives by telling them the secret code; “environmental responsibility equals more nuclear plants.” “Ok”, the Conservatives sigh, “maybe McCain isn’t so terrible after all with all of his environmental protection talk.” On the other side of the road the independents gather. “Nuclear power?” they ask. “Has someone figured out how to keep nuclear material out of terrorists’ hands or to keep it safe for the tens of thousands of years required for nuclear waste to become safe? No? That doesn’t sound very environmentally responsible.”
McCain quickly switches subjects. “Illegal immigration!” he shouts. To the Conservatives he whispers, “I’ll close the board and won’t give amnesty to the illegals.” To the independents he explains, “While I won’t give them amnesty and won’t make them leave the country and I’ll provide a path to citizenship. The path will be shorter and easier than anyone who attempts to become a citizen legally but it is not amnesty.” “Whew,” each side of the road says, as long as they haven’t heard him whisper to the other side.
“What about Iraq and the war on terror?” the Conservatives ask. “We’ll stay in Iraq as long as necessary. We’ll pore billions of needed funds into the Iraq sand, continually stoke Muslim anger and keep so many of our troops there that we won’t be able to respond to any actual threat.” “That’s better,” the Conservatives sigh. “At least we won’t have those pesky billions of dollars being invested in our own economy,” they applaud. “Excuse me,” the independents ask. “What about keeping our sons and daughters alive to defend American from any actual threat, for example Russia, China or Iran? What about the constant drain on our economy?” “Don’t worry,” McCain assures the independents. “We’ll only keep them in Iraq only if nobody is shooting at them. The troops will only stay there if they aren’t actually needed. It will be like sending our patriotic sons and daughters to a desert spa.” “By that logic,” independents ask, “the troops shouldn’t be in Iraq now. After all, aren’t people shooting at them now? I don’t think it feels very spa like at the moment.”
As McCain runs back and forth between to two sides of his little road to the white house a large truck speeds down it. “Obama” is written clearly on the side. Thick chains attached to the truck pull large anchors with the names “Wright” and “Ayers” engraved on them. The anchors dig into the pavement the slow the trucks momentum. As of today, it is unclear whether the anchors will slow the truck enough for McCain to zigzag all the way down the road to the white house or if the truck will simply squish McCain just like a grape.

The America I want to live in

2008-05-10T06:15:00.000-07:00

The America I wish to live in

We are the United States of America.

We hold ourselves, our community and our government to a high standard.

We accept responsibility for our own action and inaction.

We expect individuals, companies and governments to be head accountable for their actions and inactions.

Our government creates an atmosphere and enforces laws that allow every individual the opportunity to succeed through their own abilities and determination. Having the opportunity to succeed also carries the risk of failure. Each individual and company must accept that risk for themselves.

Our government reflects our values

Fiscal responsibility, education, scientific/technology advancements and healthy businesses are essential to a strong America.

Energy independence is core to a strong America.

Protecting the environment for this and following generations is our responsibility and a challenge we are equal to. We will not take short term actions to benefit our economy at the cost of long term environmental damage.

We happily trade and compete with any responsible nation on a level playing field. This includes taxes and tariffs, fair trade policies and processes, product safety, environmental responsibility and human rights.

We do not torture. We do not have others torture for us. We do not choose inaction on the way to allowing torture on our behalf.

We are not just consumers. We are individuals and communities capable of greatness.

We believe in charity but do not tolerate and encourage laziness.

Duties for the American government
1.) Create a government worthy of our respect and trust
a. Enact real campaign finance legislation. Eliminate lobbyist, big donors and gifts to public servants.
b. Maintain an independent, non-political department dedicated to ensuring our public servants do not act or legislate in a manner inconsistent with their duties.
c. Charge any public servant who misappropriates funds and/or services with treason. Every dollar misspent is a dollar that did not buy armor for our soldiers. That dollar may have saved a life.
d. No funding is allowed for pork barrel or special projects. Every dollar spent frivolously places an unfair burden on tax payers.
e. Improve spending oversight. This includes protection from fraud but also special interest spending and inefficient spending.
f. Government must spend less than it earns.
g. Social obligations must be protected.
h. All spending, voting, taxation and creation of laws must be transparent, communicated and clear.
i. Elected officials can not receive raises when the country is not improving or when their approval rating is below 50%.
j. Do not trade one spending program for another. If a program is not worthy of continuing, eliminate it. Once the money is in the tax payers wallets, then ask for incremental spending.

2.) Energy policy/environment
a. Virtually eliminate income tax for households earning below $60,000, largely reduce income tax for households earning up to $120,000. Replace income with a series of excise tax increases on items that are bad for our security, bad for our environment and/or bad for us. Our government is not about eliminating choices but can influence our decisions through taxation. Items to consider: Oil, natural gas, coal, high fructose corn syrup, tobacco, alcohol, virgin timber. A simple example: Reduce income tax by $600 per household but add $600 tax to gas. This will help direct a $13 trillion economy to make decisions more in-line with the long term health of our planet, our country and our selves.
b. Over the next 5 years eliminate the least efficient 50% of all appliances, lighting and vehicles. This can be done by existing classes. Each year for the next 10 years raise the minimum allowable efficiency by 1 – 5% a year. Each year the president will set the increase for the following year.
c. Require better efficiency standards for all new buildings and remodeling.
d. No longer give oil support to other countries as aid. Instead give solar, wind or micro-hydro facilities. This creates a greener world, provides long term support to country in need and lowers demand for oil, lowering the cost of oil.
e. Eliminate all subsidies and tax advantages for coal, oil and natural gas, except programs to convert to renewables.
f. Allow drilling in ANWAR and North Dakota. Enforce the strictest environments policies. Companies that benefit from drilling must fund an agency that is immediately able to respond to oil spills. Index the lease payments so that the government enjoys the risks involved in oil price fluctuation.
g. Link the farm bill with creating renewable domestic energy sources. This will help the farmers beyond the current year with secondary income and will help the United States become energy independent.

3.) Education
a. Education is absolutely critical to national success. Our smartest must be prepared to lead the world in their respective fields. Educating the lower half to the best of their ability enables their greater success and opportunities while reducing their need for later life support. “Every child to their greatest ability.”
b. College is not necessary for every person. By making high school graduation meaningful, college will be less necessary, therefore, lowering costs. Our public education must be the best and must demand the most from each and every child.
c. Additional funding will be based on test scores, participation in after school programs and graduation rates. (12% of our schools have graduation rates below 60%). No school should have a graduation rate below 90%.
d. Increase the number of hours per week and the number of weeks per year that students are in schools.
e. Do not allow students to drop out of high school except in extreme circumstances.
f. Create a task force to address the worst performing 100 districts. The districts must be put on a multi-year plan. Many of the teachers and administration will be replaced. The program must include after school programs, meal programs for poor, police involvement, community involvement.
g. Students must perform a minimum number of hours either volunteering, in internships or located abroad to graduate.
h. Create levels of graduation certificates to show potential colleges and businesses the work the student has done.

4.) Laws/legal environment
a. Review all laws and regulations. Eliminate or modify those that are unduly hampering American production and jobs.
b. Enact tort reform to reduce the amount and severity of civil lawsuits.

energy crisis

2008-05-09T12:52:00.000-07:00

The United States is suffering from an energy crisis of our own making. No. I’m not talking about $4 a gallon gasoline or $126 a barrel of oil. These little annoyances are petty by comparison to the larger issues. What is the issue, you may ask, if driving to a neighborhood restaurant is more expensive than the prime rib? I never thought you’d ask.

Before I talk about the issues, let me take a quick tangent. With today’s technology, it is time we understand that all energy is interchangeable. Whether our energy comes from the sun or dinosaurs, whether is comes in liquid, gas or from an outlet, all energy is interchangeable. I’m not suggesting you put an extension cord into your gas tank. While I’m not certain, I can guess the results would be not pleasant. In discussing energy, we need to look beyond how much it is going to cost us to drive to grandma’s this summer. We need to think five, ten, even twenty years out. Over five years, we can adjust the percent of our energy coming from any source. Over twenty, we have the power to dictate our future. That said, having a twenty year goal and moving lackadaisically toward it starting five years from now (conveniently after the next presidency) is just plain foolish.

Now the main energy handicap: bipartisanship. The democrats are set to kill any bill the republicans put forward and the republicans are set to do the same against the democrats. Neither side seems willing to look toward common ground. Their positions reflect an adherence to process over outcome. Means over ends. Ideals over results. Not that I wish to mock or disparage either of their so-called ideals, but come on. Get a life.

Democrats whine make the oil companies pay for it. They made unseemly billions. They can afford it. By the way, don’t let them drill in anywhere new. The Republicans are ready to defend the oil companies over the good of the American people. They also seem to be honestly allergic to solar power. I swear every time I hear a Sean Hannity mention solar power, he sneezes and breaks out in little hives. The T.V. make covers the worst of the breakout but you can see it a little around the neckline where the makeup is thinnest.

Why panic? Yeah the U.S. supplies oil some of its own oil but too much of it comes from outside the states. I’m a big proponent of trade but I have a few issues with this. The way we currently use oil, a drop in supply will bring our nation to a stop. We have no backup plan. We have no way of responding to an immediate crisis. Our reserves may buy us days or weeks but not the months and years we would need to respond to an oil crisis. An oil crisis is a remote possibility, you say. Balderdash! Imagine, Syria and Iran attack Israel. Israel responds the way Israel does, by destroying their enemies and their enemies’ ability to launch another attack any time soon. Say, by taking out Iran’s oil production. Middle east producers turn off the pumps to force western countries to side against Israel and anybody who doesn’t have their own well stock piles every bit of oil they can get their hands on incase bad does to apocalyptic. Oil would cost hundreds of dollars a barrel.

OK. Maybe that is a remote possibility, but we know Russia, Iran and Venezuela are using dinosaur revenues to build up their military forces. They don’t like us much. It hurts me emotionally not to be liked but it hurts me more to not be liked by someone with missiles.

Still to much doom and gloom? My specialty. How about something a little lighter? Our economy has a big leak. Billions of dollars everyday leave the U.S. just for energy. It doesn’t matter what else we do, this leak is big enough for water to gather at the bottom of our boat. As oil prices rise, that leak gets bigger.

Did you notice that I haven’t mentioned the gloomiest of scenarios yet? Global warming. Many of us north of Washington D.C. wouldn’t complain if things got say five to ten degrees warmer in the winter. I wouldn’t complain at all. The problem with global warming isn’t what the scientists are predicting. The problem is that we don’t know what is going to happen. There is a chance that all of the scientists are wrong and Gore is a big fat liar. There is also a chance that I will be struck by lightening causing large lumps of gold to shoot out of my butt like a slot machine jackpot. I am not going to bet big on either of those outcomes. There is also a chance global warming will lead to longer growing cycles, creating a bountiful harvest, allowing the world to grow enough food to feed the poor, put an end to all wars and, somehow, cause lumps of gold to shoot out of my butt like a slot machine jackpot. Again, I’m not betting the ranch on bountiful harvests. Basically, we don’t know. Maybe there will be more storms, maybe less. Some places will have bountiful harvest while others go hungry. So with global warming uncertainty, I’m going to bet conservative.

So what do we do? Everything. We need to reduce overall energy use, make the energy we do use more efficient, diversify our sources of energy and make as much as possible of it domestically. How?

First, we dramatically reduce or eliminate income and capital gains tax and replace it with a series of excise taxes (excise taxes are specific taxes on products levied before the consumer even sees the product). Tax products based on whether it contributes to anti-American regimes (oil), whether it contributes to pollution and/or global warming (coal), whether it damages the environment (virgin wood and fertilizers) or whether it is damaging to American health (tobacco and high fructose corn syrup).

Look at the simplest example; assume we raise the price of gas through taxes enough that you are paying $1,000 more a year on gas but your income tax bill is lowered by $1,000. If you don’t change your life a bit, your economic position is essentially unchanged. What taxes would have normally come out of your pay check now you pay every time you fuel up. It is up to you to reduce your tax burden by being more fuel-efficient. My bet it Americans will suddenly embrace a conservative lifestyle when gas costs $8 a gallon.

Next, raise CAFÉ standards and their related standards on all electronic and other products (e.g. lawn mowers, refrigerators, etc.). No wimpy 5% over five years. Raise it 10% a year for the next five years and than 2% a year forever more. My guess is it won’t be an issue because the excise taxes will cause everyone to be more efficiency aware, but I don’t like to take chances. On the CAFÉ calculation, give a 10% reward for vehicles that are either flex-fuel or plug-in hybrids. I love this idea because it puts power into the consumers’ hands. If gas is more expensive than ethanol, the consumers will buy ethanol. The same is true for the plug-in capable cars. Every week, the consumer can decide whether it is best for them to utilize grid power or gasoline. It introduces competition to oil and true market forces will dictate the balance between oil and ethanol.

Open drilling in ANWAR and encourage in North Dakota and offshore. Use strict environmental considerations, force everyone drilling to fund an environmental cleanup agency and index leases on drilling so we all share in the risks and rewards of fluctuation in oil prices. Allow construction of nuclear and clean coal power plants. Have the military continue to invest and purchase coal to liquid fuel products for a portion of their vehicles.

Here’s a fun one. Take $50 billion out of the farm fund and encourage investment in secondary income for farms. Most of that $50 billion is used on foolishly wasteful programs to balance the price of cheese anyway. Share investment in building farmer related sources of domestic energy. For example, putting windmills up on farms, building plants that burn farm waste, building plants that turn cellulose into ethanol. Assuming $1 dollar of public funds is enough to encourage $4 dollars of private investment, it would contribute $1 trillion dollars under one four-year president in environmentally logical domestically sourced energy with an added benefit of providing farmers an additional source of long term revenue.
Within five years, our energy crisis will be no more than a toothache. If we do nothing or fart along like both parties are currently doing, today’s crisis will truly cripple us, harm our way of life and threaten the United States very future. Ok. Maybe I’m a little dramatic but acting is better than betting on lumps of gold shooting out of my butt like a slot machine jackpot.

salems lot

2008-05-06T09:52:00.000-07:00

Hillary says she is not going to put her lot in with a bunch of economists. Basically, she’s saying the more you know on a subject, the less I want to hear. She wants the undereducated white Middle American to dictate government policy. Ignore the educated. Ignore the thoughtful. Bomb Iran and make the oil companies pay for it. Once we’re done, we’ll go and put bibles in what is left of their hands. That’ll teach them. Freeze mortgage rates for the irresponsible. If that hurts you because you were careful to live within your means, then you are not her kind of voter. Free healthcare to everyone. On the government. Sure your taxes will go up but if you pay taxes, you probably aren’t her kind of voter. She has ton’s of experience running the country when old Billy was using 18 year old interns has humidors but don’t give her credit for anything Bill did that doesn’t poll well today. She was against it from the start, documentation to the contrary be damned.

party play

2008-05-02T10:07:00.000-07:00

Beautiful timing

The Democratic Party is set to break apart. It probably won’t but let me dream for a minute. Currently, educated, African and/or young people support Obama. Older women and uneducated men support Hillary. Florida and Michigan voters should be justifiably annoyed their state representatives played chicken with the DNC and lost.

Now, let’s play what if. What if Hillary gets the nomination? Either because she wins the last few primaries by a respectable nomination or she sacrifices some virgins to force the super delegates to support her. Either way, the young, the educated and the black (not mutually exclusive) are going to say she stole the nomination. Let’s take this scenario a little farther. What if Obama then drops out of the Democratic Party and forms a new party? He is able to bring 30% of elected democrats with him from congress and state and local levels. Al Gore sees a chance to finally stick it to Bill Clinton for costing him enough votes to lose the 2000 presidency, so Al joins the new party.

The conservatives don’t really like or trust McCain. They support him because if they don’t a liberal will win the presidency. A bad conservative is better than a good liberal from their point of view. If the Democratic Party fractures, they won’t need to support McCain anymore. They form their own party, maybe with Mitt Romney as their candidate. Their new party should be able to convert at least 30% of Republican elective officials.
With four major parties, independent voters can find much closer common ground with a party. Instead of having two parties trying to court the middle and, therefore, not providing much real distinction, we will have four parties. In order to differentiate themselves, the four parties will actually have to move away from the center.

conflict of interest

2008-04-25T12:27:00.001-07:00

Can any Hillary supporter comment on the conflict of interest she will have as president? Her husband is making millions of dollars in speaking and consulting engagements (not to mention donations to his charity) by people/governments/industries with political agendas. Imagine if she becomes president and the CAFTA issue resurfaces. Bill was paid $800,000 by Columbian businesses to push CAFTA. If Hillary then agrees to it, saying the situation has changed and now CAFTA is a good idea, how will that look? Whether or not the situation has changed, many will wonder if Bill's fees had something to do with her position.

I’ll assume Hillary supporters will believe Hillary’s ethics are great enough that the TENS OF MILLIONS OF DOLLARS Bill will be taking in won’t influence her on issue after issue. My question is about how will it affect all of the other Democrats in congress, as mayors, etc. when the right starts questioning her motivations. I believe a lot of independents will be swayed by the conflict of interest argument and democrats will lose elected officials at many levels of power to offset Hillary’s gain.

2008-04-23T09:49:00.001-07:00

Sad Truth

The truth is Obama has lost some of his shine for me too. I did do some due diligence before I became excited about him and knew his far left positions were much farther left than any of mine. I wasn’t surprised to find out that his minister was a racist. Obama’s claim that he would have switched churches of Rev. Wright wasn’t going to retire is basically saying 20 years of association with a whacko is OK but 21 years is just wrong. This response is a little weak. A better response would have been, “I was a politician from a largely black district and this church, although racist and wrong, represented my constituents in most other ways. Basically, my membership was a political move.” That sort of candor in a race against any Clinton would have been a breath of fresh air.

I’m not overly concerned with Obama’s association with Ayers. Yes, the weather underground was a terrorist organization. Ayers and the lot should have been tried, convicted and hung for treason, but they weren’t. The government, for no reason I can understand, has allowed Ayers to be a freeman. Ayers has become an important political fixture of the far left in Chicago. Obama is far left politician from Chicago. Of course they are going to associate. If the relationship was more regular and personal than both of them being on the board of some do-gooder organization, I’ll drop Obama like a hot potato made out of C4. Just think of all the losers and idiots you have to associate with just being a regular person. If you didn’t associate with any of them, you wouldn’t have a life. Multiply that by a couple thousand and you have a politician.

Bitter? Most of the media hasn’t listened to the whole exchange not to mention the rest of us. Put in context, it was still bad but not as bad as Clinton’s sound bite team would like you to believe. The truth is, and this is what Obama was referencing, the government has done a crappy job in a lot of segments of our society. There are people who have almost been left behind as manufacturing jobs left our country. Some of them are bitter. Some of them hope that by getting rid of the immigrants, the manufacturing jobs will come back. Some of them turn to religion for solace. Some of them fight to keep their right to bare arms because they feel everything else has been taken away. What Obama did not say is that anyone who is religious, who protects their second amendment rights or who wants immigration reform is bitter. It is like saying some women like to bake cookies so if you like to bake cookies you are a woman. I like to bake cookies. Both my brother and sister make great cookies. There is not generalized connection.

My issue with Obama is based on how he has used his ability to inspire. He is a wonderful motivational speaker and, even during the campaign, could have motivated common people to accomplish great things. Unfortunately, he has failed to try. This week is earth week. It is a perfect example. He could have called a press conference (or even paid for it with is war chest), and told us he is speaking not as a candidate but as a concerned citizen. Then motivate us to go plant a tree or some darn thing. His far left policies will never pass moderate congress, so his presidential legacy would not have been success through political means. It would have been based on his ability to make a new generation care again.

Since Obama is no longer the shiny new penny in my pocket, what do I do? Support Hillary? I can not. I have three issues with her. First, she is a warmonger (much more so than McCain). She supported attacking Iraq. She supported giving Bush latitude in Iraq. She said she would militarily punish third world nations who have terrorists in their countries. Many of these countries would collapse if they took on the terrorists. She said she would obliterate Iran if Iraq attacked Israel. While I support the action, saying so is politically irresponsible.

Should I support McCain? I don’t think I can. His history suggests smaller government and responsible fiscal policies, both of which I support. Unfortunately, McCain has been kissing up to the so-far-right-they-are-wrong crowd. His proposed tax cuts are not offset by significant spending cuts. He wants to continue to be a nation at war. In 2000, he said he supports building and tearing down other nations through training and supplying militants. That hasn’t worked for us. Ever. I just don’t think I can do it.

I haven’t seen a third party candidate really step-up yet. If Obama and Hillary destroy the democrats, I might find a third party to support on principal. Otherwise I’m left with Lefty Obama and a prayer that congress would prevent him from taking us too far into socialism.
Not a very bright picture.

Vetting of Hillary

2008-04-18T11:02:00.000-07:00

Hillary claims that she “comes with a lot of baggage and people have been rummaging through it for years.” She says this as if the Republicans won’t have any ammunition to use against her in the fall. I think her claim is as optimistic as sniper fire. The Right has built databases about her and hubby’s allergic reactions to being honest or to putting the good of the nation before the good of the Clintons. Here’s a quick and incomplete list items Hillary participated in that were either dishonest, illegal, had a self-serving conflict of interest or were down right lies:

Whitewater
Travelgate
Filegate
Chinagate
Cattlegate
Norman Hsu
Vince Foster suicide
Bosnia sniper fire
Uninsured pregnant woman
Her work on Watergate investigation
Northern Ireland peace talks
Religious affiliations with the Foundry

The list really goes on and on and on. The unfortunate problem is that mainstream media is too focused on Obama’s fashion choices. I agree he should wear an American flag pin. Not wearing one isn’t a show of his lack of patriotism. It is a show of poor judgment because it gives the six-pack crowd something to focus on other than his message. I think he should wear an Uncle Sam red, white and blue stove top hat. The hat may be too cumbersome on such a tall man. Instead he should wear no less than fifteen buttons and pins like a waitress at Friendly’s. Each button could echo some different pro-American sentiment like “I wish you were here, but only if you are documented,” “There’s no bitter in our beer,” or “Yes we can spend spend spend!”

When the mainstream media rightfully shares some of their collective wisdom on why vote against Hillary, it usually focuses on her milk curdling cackle or plethora of pantsuits. It is disturbing to never she her in the same pantsuit twice. It is kind of like M.C. Hammer and his parachute pants. There is a theory claiming Hillary to be Satan and g-d has limited Satan’s power on earth. G-d decreed that Satan can only be seen in public in the same pantsuit once. Each time Satan goes out in public, she must wear a different pantsuit. Once Satan runs out of pantsuits, she must either reveal her true form or go back to hell. I don’t believe in this theory but I wonder why on shop has ever come forward claiming, “Hillary shops here for all of her pantsuit needs.” Perhaps all of her pantsuits are donated from below.
Bill and Hillary complain about unfair media treatment all the time. “You should report that I lied just because I lied,” they whine. “That’s not fair. You should report the other guy lied whether or not he lied. That would make things even.” I believe all of their complaining has served its purpose. No one in the main stream media question the litany of ethical errors the Clintons have made, in addition to the exposure American has to future scandals with them in charge. Bill has made millions from his speaking arrangements and has collected millions more through his foundation. If he wasn’t heading back to the White House, I would be completely ok with his earnings. My issue is WHAT DOES BILL OWE TO REPAY THESE MILLIONS AND HOW WILL THAT AFFECT HILLARY’S JUDGEMENT?

Vetting Hillary

2008-04-17T14:26:00.000-07:00

I disagree with the idea that Hillary Clinton has been completely vetted by the so called Republican attack machine. Ok . . . I disagree with the idea that there is such a thing as a Republican attack machine. Sure there are a bunch of loons on the right that would rather whine about the left than to get anything done like passing bi-partisan comprehensive legislation on any of the issues a majority of Americans agree. What? You don’t think the right and left could agree on anything? We’re so different and they are so wrong, you whimper. Don’t get your hackles up. Both sides whimper, and frequently yell, that the idiots on the other side are . . . well . . . idiots. How about securing our borders? Or ensuring veterans receive quality healthcare? Or removing lobbyists as our fourth branch of government? Balancing the budget? Something?

I listen to Sean Hannity on the ride home. Don’t think any less of me, please. Caller after caller called in after frustrating conversations with their friends who had leftist attitudes. They didn’t actually admit that they were talking to friends, I think, because the people they were talking to were on the left and who would admit to being friends with them. After listening to a few of these calls, I firmly believe that they must have been talking to true friends because no one else would have put up with these idiot callers. The calls all went something like, “Hi Sean. You’re a great American.” “No caller,” Sean would suck up, “you are a great American.” “Get a room!” I yelled at the radio. “You just can’t have an intelligent conversation with liberals. They are all stupid and ignorant and they don’t have you, the great Sean great American great, to think for them.” “Well,” Sean would say, “just keep trying and when they get frustrated with you take that as a sign that they don’t know what they are talking about. The more frustrated they are the dumber your friends (my word) are. Someday they will thank you for showing them the way, the only way, to be great Americans. Have them listen to my show and by my books. If they send me money, they to can be great Americans too.” Ok, I went a little far with the quote. For the record, I think Sean is a great American who honestly believes much of the silliness he espouses. I agree with him about half of the time. Even when I don’t agree with him, I feel better about my position for having heard his challenge.

Anyway, back to the phone calls. Per Sean, a great way his heavily frustrated callers can tell if their liberal friends (again, my word. Really who would want to claim a liberal as a friend) don’t know what they are talking about is by how frustrated the liberal is. (Insert dramatic pause here). Sean’s callers are the ones who are frustrated. By Sean’s own measurement, that must mean his callers are the ones who don’t know what they are talking about. By the way, if you find you are totally and completely unable to have an intelligent conversations perhaps you are the one who isn’t bringing any intelligence to the conversation.

Back to the Republican attack machine. I just don’t believe that these people who are too incompetent to run our country are competent enough to put together a cohesive attack machine. Despite their inability to run the country, they are the one’s running the country (I’ll talk more about the on another day). Despite their inability to put together a cohesive attack machine, they still do attack. I just don’t think that it is as affective and thorough as it could be. Their attack machine isn’t the orderly marching rank and file of Napoleon. They are more like a bunch of monkeys with hand grenades and itchy fingers.
I didn’t really mean to get into Sean and I’ve wasted all my time. Sorry about that. I’ll get to Hillary’s vetting on another day. I’ll give you a foreshadowing of it though. Hillary has been attacked for a lot of scandals over the years. There are also a number of years that she hasn’t been quite under the gun, since the senate for example. I believe the Clinton’s have been yelling about unfair treatment by the press to make sure the press doesn’t press on and revive a lot of these scandals. Anyway. All of that for another da

2008-04-04T12:01:00.001-07:00

Almost Brilliant

I was listening to one of the right wing talk show hosts recently. I believe it was Glenn Beck but they all tend to run together in my mind. Whoever it was, was making an almost brilliant comparison between the United States and the Soviet Union just before the Soviet’s collapsed.

He pointed to three factors that led to the Soviet collapse and drew comparisons to the U.S. today. First, the Soviets were in a drawn out, expensive and unpopular war in Afghanistan. Second, the Soviets were in a arms race with the U.S. The Soviets were paying for both the war and the arms race by exporting oil. The third factor was a dramatic decline in the price of oil. At the much lower price, the Soviet economy could not afford to maintain either the war or the arms race and it went bankrupt before it could find an exit strategy for either of them.

Obviously, the U.S. is in a war in Iraq with no reasonable exit strategy. Final estimates for the war’s cost are between one and seven trillion dollars, assuming we engineer an exit strategy soon.

Although Glenn didn’t mention an arms race, we face several prospective races. The Russians are again exporting oil at high prices and are using the income to rebuild their military. They have had their bombers approach uncomfortably close to U.S. Navy ships. Russia is also using some of its neighbors’ dependence on Russian natural gas to extend influence across Asia and into Europe. China is using American dollars their earn by selling the American consumer cheap toxic crap to expand its military. Additionally, it is expanding its interest base across the Middle East and into Africa. China has an additional weapon of mass destruction aimed at the U.S. Their central bank has been hoarding dollars to influence the exchange rate. If they dumped all of the dollars they own at once, it will give the dollar a blow that will weaken it well beyond this little fainting spell we are currently experiencing. China may well decide to use their new military strength to take Taiwan, a U.S. ally. The European Union may finally effectively become one nation. It may take decades for their many armies to become an effective fighting force but even a disjointed force of so many countries will need to be taken into consideration. Than add the weight of many other smaller anti-American countries, many of which are using oil profits to build military and regional political strengths, such as Venezuela, Iran and North Korea. The Japanese are also slowly evolving their defensive military, as defined by the American written constitution at the end of World War II, into a more offensive force. The United States will have no option but to build and maintain a stronger and more flexible military than ever before.

Finally, the U.S. is an oil importer and the price of oil has taken off like a rocket. Since we are a fossil fuel powered nation, the cost of oil is forcing all other costs to rise. We may quickly find ourselves in a position of inflation and economic stagnation.

It we continue to follow this path, we may well follow the Soviet Union into bankruptcy and eventual collapse. Glenn used these arguments to suggest that the U.S. put aside our principals and torture suspected terrorists. While fun, torture isn’t going to do anything to help save us from ourselves. That’s why I’m only going to give Glenn an “almost brilliant” ranking.

We need to consider what we can do to chance the course of these factors. Unfortunately, I don’t think there is much we can or would want to do to reduce military spending in the face of the dangerous world we are in. Sure, we need to make sure we are spending smartly and efficiently. Wasteful spending and misappropriation of military funds should be considered treason. That’ll help but no so much.

The first thing we can do is to draw the quickest and most efficient line to victory in Iraq and then get out of Iraq. We shouldn’t have fought this war in the first place but we did. We’ve made a mess and now have to clean it up, but let’s do so quickly and go home.
The most important strategy we can take is to destroy the price of oil. This will help reduce American imports and it will reduce the amount of money oil rice American hating countries have to build weapons. Destroying the price of oil will actually be easier than it sounds, once the politicians get out of the oil companies’ pockets. There are three steps. First, increase domestic production of oil. Second, create incentives for Americans (and the world) to conserve oil. Third, greatly expand domestic production of oil alternatives.

I quit!

2008-01-30T10:50:00.000-08:00

After 9/11, President Bush called on American’s to perform their national duty . . . going shopping. Soon after Bush Sr. and Clinton put out a public service announcement, basically saying stay calm and buy a lot. Hillary said she and her husband discussed performing their national duty by spending a weekend on the town in New York. I believe those plans were disrupted by urgent calls from their first passion, destroying the political careers of good and honest citizens attempting to rescue America from itself.

This week, in discussing the house and white house negotiated economic stimulus plan, John Beohner, a house minority leader, further defined average American citizens role in this great country. He said, “The sooner we get this relief in the hands of the American people, the sooner they can begin to do their job of being good consumers.” Good consumers. GOOD CONSUMERS. That is all we are to the American government.

They do not value us for our ability to select good leaders. Ok . . . They got us there. The best leader we have had in my adulthood was Reagan the Great who called the Soviet Union the Evil Empire and announced on a radio program that the bombing would begin in 5 minutes. The Soviet Union may have been evil. Maybe we should have bombed them, but don’t announce it on the radio. Five minutes is plenty of time to duck and cover. Unprovoked bombing should be a surprise. Announcing it on the radio is like saying “Your on Candid Camera!” before you make someone the victim of a silly prank. By the way, Candid Camera is an old people version of Punk’d.

The establishment doesn’t value us for our knowledge and intelligence. Ok . . . They got us there. The United States consistently scores poorly on international academic tests. They don’t value us for our knowledge of foreign affairs. Ok . . . They got us there. According to The National Geographic-Roper Public Affairs, three years after the U.S. occupied Iraq for the second time since 1991 and 2,400 U.S. military lost their lives there (only counting the second invasion), two thirds of American young adults couldn’t find Iraq on a map. A third of them couldn’t find Louisiana on a map even after Hurricane Katrina. Forty-four percent couldn’t find Iraq, Saudi Arabia, Iran or Israel on a map. Less than half can find New York or Ohio. I understand about Ohio but New York? I wonder how many of these kids (age 18 to 24) could find their backside with toilet paper if that had to use a map.

The first Iraq invasion was actually started by President Reagan in 1986. He told a general to destroy the Soviet Union (without alerting them by radio this time). The general grabbed a map and went out to accomplish his mission. Unfortunately nobody could actually read the map. None of the men would stop the tank to ask directions either. In 1990 they landed in Iraq. Not really sure of where they were, they consulted the map. When that didn’t help their best option was to start blowing things. In 1991, Soviet Union dissolved so, their mission accomplished, the general brought our soldiers home.

Beohner’s good consumer comment gets under my skin for yet another reason entirely. He wants us to “begin” doing our jobs as good consumers. He is implying we haven’t been good consumers yet. We spend more than we make. Our debt levels are higher than ever before. We buy and dispose of things at a rate not matched by any other culture in the history of the planet but Beohner expects us to begin being good shoppers soon. On the positive side, he does seem to have faith in our ability to shop more than ever before.

Unfortunately I feel I have been doing my job as a good consumer all of my adult life. Additionally, even as a child I prodded my parents to buy me things. I have given all of my life to my consumer job but I still have not lived up to Beohner’s standards. It is my failing. The government has been showing us how to be good consumers for decades. It spends way more than it could ever earn. It has accumulated huge debts. If our government had saved as much as it owed, we could purchase other countries. Then we could use them as summer countries on warm August weekends, only to be boarded up October through May.
To the government and Beohner, I must tender my resignation. I prove to incapable of my job as a good consumer. I will now seek another position. With retraining, I may be able to get a position as a responsible consumer (buying less than I earn and saving the rest).

shortsighted rebates

2008-01-29T11:28:00.000-08:00

It appears the senate will approve a slightly modified version of the $150 billion stimulus package agreed to by Bush and the House. The piece of the stimulus package receiving the most airtime is the seemingly free money every working adult will receive just in time for summer vacations. My little family of four (soon to be five) should get in the neighborhood of $1,800, maybe a little less depending on the senate’s tinkering. To receive our $1,800, all we have to do is not start a violent revolution when the federal government adds a mere $150 billion the federal deficit.

Let’s play with the numbers a little, shall we? I think I’m being generous assuming the government has to collect $5 to spend $4. Figure the cost of handling, mailing, policing, bribes, processing, printing, communicating, etc. A 20% cost of collection is probably giving the government more credit for efficiency than it deserves. Therefore, the government needs to only collect $187.5 billion to pay for the $150 billion stimulus package.

Let’s continue our generosity and assume the government will pay off this deficit in only 5 years with a 6% cost of funds. I have to admit it has been a long time since my finance classes in college. To keep things simple, I assumed the government would pay off the incremental deficit at the end of 5 years. Further assuming that I used the excel function correctly, the total cost becomes to just a smidge under $253 billion. There are 300 million people in this country, so my family’s bill for our $1,800 rebate is $843 per each of us, adding to a total of $3,372. It only costs my family 1.87 times the amount we receive.
I’m starting to feel simulated. When I feel stimulated, a part of me extends. You know the part. It’s the part just between my ring finger and my pointer finger. . . . on both hands.

Hugs and Kisses

2008-01-28T08:43:00.001-08:00

My wife and I don’t believe in spanking our kids. Our two main weapons of attitude correction are time outs in the corner and taking treasures away from our little lovelies. Basically they are good kids but they are also siblings. Siblings are genetically driven to bounce on each other’s head at regular intervals. At 4 and 5, we usually only send them in to the corner for a couple of minutes. That is (usually) enough time from them to be distracted from experimenting on ways to convert their sister’s head into a beanbag chair or to forget exactly why their heads hurt. Occasionally, a couple of minutes is not enough time for my wife and I to remember that we do not believe in spanking. Those are the times I send them into the corner until “I’m grown up enough to stop being mad.”

On the rare Sunday afternoon where our little lovelies are more familiar with the corner than with the look of adoration from their father, I get a taste for everything princess and fairy. I have literally emptied a bedroom of anything with a princess or fairy on it. That particular room has a princess bed and fairy stickers on the dressers. My daughter finally left the corner to find her room empty of everything except a rug and a chair that was too awkward for me to carry without damaging the walls. Unfortunately, I did not know about the chairs ability to damage plaster before I entered that room. I was in the empty room arranging blankets, some of our few blankets without princess or fairies on it, on the floor for her to sleep on. My daughter cried. I cried because the antique dresser was heavier than my back was ready for and the glider put a hole in the plaster.

With my point made, I relaxed a little. My daughter really wanted all of her things back into her room. I wanted them back in her room as they were now between my bedroom door and my bed. We allowed my daughter to negotiate getting her things back before bedtime. She had to apologize and stay off of her sister’s head long enough for my back to stop throbbing. I’ve now learned to both confine my princess and fairy escalation policies to less massive items and to lift with my knees, not my back.

It has recently come to light that my lovely wife has a different escalation policy while I’m at work. My five foot one wife does not remove beds or furniture. She does not threaten to put a bed and a port-a-potty in the corner. My wife makes our little lovelies explain why they aren’t making the best decisions at the moment. On the surface this sounds like a reasonable step toward self-correction but my wife has a liberal acceptance policy. She has found the most common reason for head to beanbag conversion at our house is caused by lack of parental hugs and kisses. To correct such a lack requires a child to leave the corner, accept hugs and kisses from the parent with the liberal acceptance policy, and to go off on their merry head sitting way.

I tend to be a “fix it” type of person. By that I don’t mean anyone should trust me with hand tools or nail guns, but I instituted a mandatory parental hugs and kisses policy. I believed addressing the root cause (lack of parental hugs and kisses) would diminish the negative behavior (head sitting). After one week of my new mandatory parental hugs and kisses policy, I have not noted a decline in head to beanbag conversion. Perhaps parental hugs and kisses are cumulative and positive results are still pending. While I wait for measurable positive results, I will not be moving antique dressers but instead will occupying myself with patching plaster walls.

"I don't think this campaign is about gender, and I sure hope it's not about race."

2008-01-14T09:30:00.000-08:00

"I don't think this campaign is about gender, and I sure hope it's not about race."

What an interesting comment for Hillary to make. While I haven’t heard Obama support or justify his campaign based on race, his inspirational speeches do use African American history to drive his point home. He does use other examples too, but African Americans seem to always be included. It is like watching the original Star Trek. Kirk would use two earth based references and then through in the obligatory “like Bryn Caltach from Mylar-4.” African Americans are Obama's Mylar-4.

Hillary on other hand continues to make references about “making history” by “breaking the highest and strongest glass ceiling.” Gender has definitely drawn additional attention to Hillary. I’m not saying that women who support Hillary are just doing so based on their shared number of X-chromosomes. Some women do but I bet most do not. I would suggest that many won over by Hillary’s stance on issues may not have even been aware of Hillary’s existence had it not been for her gender. Gender has also made her democratic rivals attacks on her more edited. Not because they wanted to be chivalrous but because they were afraid of a gender backlash. All in all, gender has worked well for Hillary.

My fear of Hillary in the White House (again) is based more in her as an individual. She voted for giving President Bush authority to invade Iraq without even reading the security briefing. Hillary claims that she was thoroughly briefed about its contents but no one on her staff had the security clearance to read it on her behalf. Additionally, even if Iraq had weapons of mass destruction, the United States I wish to live in does not invade another country outside the confines of war. I believe Hillary’s vote for the war was based less on principals and more on the fickle public opinion polls. Since the polls have turned against the war, Hillary has come out against the war. To hear her husband tell it, he was against the war from the beginning. An honest review of history says otherwise, but Bill has never been very faithful to honestly.

Now, firmly in the anti-Iraq war camp, Hillary voted to label Iran’s national guard as a terrorist organization. This effectively gives Bush the same authority against Iran that she gave him in Iraq. I don’t know if there were unread documents for her to read on this one. She was probably reading “How to win friends and influence people” at the time. Ok, two errors in judgment on basically the same facts. At least she is more consistent the Romney. During a primary debate, when asked what response a president should have in the aftermath of another 9.11, Obama tripped over his own tongue a few times. Clinton calmly and confidently said that she would seek vengeance. Vengeance? Vengeance! Has she learned nothing from third grade playgrounds? Vengeance feels good. It can feel really good if done well, but vengeance only gains you more enemies. I would have applauded “justice” but “vengeance” is not goal I can support. While the media scored one for the Clinton camp due to Obama’s stumbling, her answer put me firmly in the anyone but Hillary camp.

At a more recent debate, Hillary waxed on about how she could prevent further terrorism by using our military to punish countries that provide safe haven to terrorists. We have no right to invade other countries. We have no right to militarily punish other countries unless we are at war with them. Going beyond simple principals, invading another country will only make us more enemies. Many of these countries are struggling to maintain their own existence and don’t have the resources or public opinion support to actively hunt down terrorists as defined by U.S. policy. Attacking terrorists in their own country could collapse their government and provide more anarchy in which terrorists thrive.

Hillary scares me. I don’t think she should be allowed to own a gun not to mention control the most powerful fighting force the world has ever seen.

Obama, call me

2008-01-09T07:48:00.000-08:00

I have to grudgingly admit that Hillary and her handlers performed well in New Hampshire. It really hurts me to say that but it is the unfortunate truth. During the weekend debates, she answered the questions thoughtfully and clearly, not a traditional Clinton trait. She also somehow managed to express a quite charm and a sense of humor. Her (staged?) tears on the campaign trail also humanized her a bit and, not coincidentally, created sympathetic support from the more soft hearted and headed among us. Even her post results speech was improved from prior performances. Her normal speech of, and I quote, “Me. Me. Me. Me. Democrat for president. Me. Me. ME!” at least added, “What you can do for Me. We can all come together to support ME.” Unfortunately, I don’t really care for her “Me” and I think the only people who should care if a democrat becomes president are the handful of democrats trying to become president. The rest of us simply want the best person for the job.
Ok, that wasn’t a direct Hillary quote, just what I hear when she speaks. Obama, on the other hand, is a fantastic speaker. I normally think of myself a grumpy cynic beyond inspirational speeches but last night I was jumping up and down in my bed shouting “YES WE CAN!” I haven’t seen any benefits from my New Year’s resolution to exercise yet, so after the third bouncing “YES WE CAN” I sat in my bed coughing out “Yes (pant) CAN”. I was still there in spirit.
Camp Hillary has rightfully challenged Obama’s experience. She doesn’t have that right based on her experience. While she is old and has been in the public light for way too many years, the majority of her experience is being the wife of a governor and then the wife of a president. I admit that gives her a leg up on how to order lunch at the white house but it doesn’t have any reflection on her ability to run the country. During those 16 years, she had no accountability and questionable successes. Next month my wife is going to give birth to another child. Our current pediatrician is wonderful doctor with a lot of experience. We plan on asking him to be the pediatrician for our new child. We don’t plan on asking his wife.
Obama’s experience should be challenged based on whether or not he can be an effective president. His inspirational speeches are phenomenal but as someone very out of touch with today’s reality might ask, “Where’s the beef?” Washington State for Obama lists a number of accomplishments at both State and Federal levels. These include a number of sponsored bills, ethics reform and expanding health insurance coverage. Most importantly to me was his judgment against going to war in Iraq before we invaded. My United States, not the one we live in but the principled proud United States we could live in, does not invade another country except in time of war and we don’t start wars. He continued his good judgment by being against the current administration’s desire to label Iran’s guard a terrorist organization. Of course, his judgment faltered when he didn’t actually show up to vote against it. It is hard to maintain respect for him when he didn’t show up for the vote, but that is better than Hillary’s voting to give Bush military powers against Iran.
I believe that Obama’s strength may be more in uniting and inspiring the American people than in his policy experience. I’m quickly becoming OK with that. The government is not and should not be the answer to all of the problems facing our nation today. The greatness of the United States has always been based on the actions of individuals acting alone and in concert. Individual responsibility and motivation is missing today. Obama may be able to inspire the people to accept the responsibility to act. I long to be inspired. I don’t remember ever being inspired by a president. The time for inspiration may be now. I hope the time is now.
Note I said Obama may be able to inspire us. He certainly has inspired a dedicated following that is giving the “inevitable” candidate a challenge. Obama does not have to become president before he inspires us (beyond trying to inspire us to vote for him). He should begin his call for greatness now. If his message is heard and people act, his candidacy is almost certain. If people fail to get inspired enough to act, than Obama’s power is not great enough and we should consider another candidate.
There are three ways an individual act to restore our greatness. First, we can elect competent respectable leaders. Obama is working on that one, assuming that he is both competent and respectable. Second, individuals can make their voices heard beyond helping Hillary have a Doctor Phil moment. Individuals can email elected officials from president and senators down to city selectmen. Tell them what you value and what you expect from the officials if they are to have you support for their next election. Tell them to act now. Additionally, individuals can email corporations and other organizations with similar lists of principals and calls to action. Third, individuals must act on their own principals. Individuals can select items to purchase or boycott based on sets of principals from “Buy American” to “Save our planet”. Individuals can turn off the T.V., park the SUV and volunteer in their local schools or hospitals. I call on Obama to call on the American people. He wants to inspire us. I want him to inspire us. Obama, inspire us now. Don’t wait until 2009.

Holidays.

2008-01-06T07:24:00.000-08:00

We had a great January holiday season. It was really challenging with both holidays falling on the same day. To provide a little extra structure to the day we celebrated "Stay In The Corner Until Daddy's Head Stops Hurting" in the morning. We wrapped up the obligatory ritual of yelling until Daddy forehead vein starts to pulse just before lunch. Then we moved on to the next holiday, "National Paper Plate Day." As you are aware this holiday occurs several times a year to honor the fact the Mommy and Daddy can't keep up with the dishes. We really celebrated hard this year by using paper cups and plastic forks. I tried to going completely over the top but boiling noodles in a paper bag really wasn't successful. I'm really looking forward to "Leave Daddy Alone In Bed All Morning Day" next week.

2008-01-02T13:24:00.001-08:00

Representative John Dingell offered a discussion draft outlining a new tax proposal. A large piece of this proposal is a $0.50 a gallon tax increase on gasoline. The tax is designed as a way to use market forces to combat climate change. He stated, “I’m trying to have everybody understand that this (fighting climate change) is going to cost and that it’s going to have a measure of pain that you’re not going to like.” Additionally, he said, “This is going to cause pain.”

While I agree that climate change is a human problem and a problem what will require significant action, I don’t believe that climate change is going to require significant pain or sacrifice. I believe we can significantly tackle climate change through market forces (without pain) by also improving out efficiency. Here’s how.

First, we eliminate income tax on low and middle-income families. Second, replace lost income taxes with excise taxes on products that contribute to climate change, global instability, poor health and United State’s security. These include oil, natural gas, coal, virgin timber, high fructose corn syrup, etc. Of course these taxes will cause the price of many products to increase dramatically. Oil, for example, will climb dramatically. Any product that uses a lot of oil or gasoline to get it to the end consumer will also climb dramatically. The target is to have prices increase the same amount as income taxes were reduced.

For a simple example, let’s look at a two-income family. Each adult made $30,000 and together they had a 15% realized income tax. They owe $9,000 in income taxes. To keep it really simple, let’s assume excises taxes were only applied to gasoline and I’ll ignore secondary price increases (since it costs the pizza delivery boy more to bring that pizza to you, he will have to increase his prices). Assuming that the family drives 25,000 miles a year between to two adults in cars averaging 20 miles to the gallon, taxes on gasoline would have to increase by over $7 a gallon. Yes, gas would be $10 a gallon BUT since the family does not have to pay income tax, they would have more money to pay for the high price of gas. If the family did not change one driving habit, they would be no better or worse off in either scenario.

Now, assume gas is suddenly $10 a gallon, how would you react? I imagine you would quickly trade in that 20 mile a gallon car for a 40-mile a gallon hybrid. You would be very careful about how long you let your car idol. You would make sure that are tires are inflated and maybe you would walk to the convenience store down the street instead of driving. Remember, if you refused to change a single action, the amount of taxes you pay would be identical. Under the excise tax system, you could greatly influence how much taxes you pay by making ecologically friendly decisions. In effect, you would be paid to take care of the earth. Businesses that currently use a lot of oil in their production process would look for alternatives. Economics and market forces would drive a significantly cleaner country.
There are two drawbacks to consider though. First, each year consumers and businesses would strive to save money by becoming more efficient. Therefore, excise taxes on these items would have to increase each year. Second, countries that disregard environmental common sense would have a cost advantage. Therefore, the United States would have to place carbon import taxes on any country that is not meeting agreed upon reductions in carbon. If, China for example, chose to continue to build coal power plants at a rate of one per week, they would face an import tax.

Where is my America

2008-01-01T20:32:00.000-08:00

I was raised to believe that the United States of America stood for certain principals and, while we are not perfect, we strive to stand on high moral ground. Now we learn that our government has authorized torture of suspected terrorists. We allowed our soldiers to act shamefully humiliating Iraqi prisoners and desecrating the prisoners' religious artifacts to gain information. We have sent other suspected terrorists to other countries that freely torture.

Information gathered during torture is highly unreliable. Some would argue that American sanctioned torture may have prevented attacks on Americans. That might even be true. Unfortunately, for every act of torture, for ever time we are willing to put our short term security ahead of human rights, we create dozens of new potential terrorists. We create hatred and loathing of Americans and we justify it. Our long term security rests upon the most powerful military the world has ever seen, a strong economy and a perception that the United States of America acts with principals and a strong moral authority. When we torture, we weaken ourselves.

I look for a candidate that is not only willing to say the following but to uphold these principals when in office:

We are the United States of America.
We hold ourselves, our community and our government to a high standard.
Under no circumstances do we torture anyone.
We do not arrange for other countries or organizations to torture on our behalf.
We do not, through inaction, allow other countries or organizations to torture to suite our needs.
Any interrogation technique that requires debate to justify is torture and, therefore, is intolerable.
Water boarding, nudity, sexual humiliation, desecration of religious artifacts, withholding access to religious materials, sleep deprivation, causing fear of physical pain and non-medical use of chemicals, medicine and/or stimulants are all forms of torture and are not used by the United States of America.

2007-12-28T13:03:00.000-08:00

I brought my car into the garage for an oil change. The mechanic, George, told me that I needed new brakes and that it was going cost me $500. $500 seemed like a lot, especially for my car, and the brakes didn’t seem to be that bad in the first place. I tried a different garage down the road. They had a team of mechanics look at my car. All of them agreed that I didn’t need new brakes but that I should get my starter replaced. A new starter coincidently cost $500. The mechanics explained that I could pay for the new starter by not getting the brakes, so all it would cost me is not getting the brakes I didn’t need.

Before I changed my oil, my car both started and stopped just fine. Now, it had some real issues. Perhaps, I thought, I should look into getting a new car before I put any work into this one. Besides, I was getting afraid to either start or stop my car. At the car lot, I fell in love with this beautiful convertible. It was sleek and handled beautifully on the test drive. It had the highest horsepower on the lot, the salesman said. It was also $50,000. When you look at how much money that was per horse, $50,000 was pretty reasonable.

Unfortunately it wasn’t practical for the family man I’ve become. Reluctantly I led the salesman over to the minivans. Cup holders and built in DVD players didn’t quite compare with so many horses but automatic sliding doors, hidden storage and many more cup holders won the day. My family is going to have to drink a lot more to fill up all of those cup holders. Finally I asked the salesman for the keys to the minivan because I was going to take it home.

He started asking questions about financing. Financing? No, I told him, I’m going to pay for the minivan by not buying the convertible. By the way, since the minivan is so much less expensive, please add the remote starter to the minivan and any other extras you have. When can I pick it up?

No, he told me. It doesn’t work that way. I still had to pay even though I wasn’t going to get the convertible I loved. This was very different than what my mechanics told me. I rushed back to the garage, although I must admit I started slowing down a few blocks ahead incase my brakes weren’t up to the task. Leaving my car running, I asked them for my new starter and sought assurance that it wouldn’t cost me anything more than not replacing my brakes. Apparently I was mistaken. Not only couldn’t I get the brakes they wanted money too. They wanted $500 to be exact. This was a much different story than they told me originally. The new starter should have been free, other than not getting the brakes I did not need.

They had a T.V. in the garage and were watching one of the presidential debates. Candidate after candidate said the same thing. They were going to give me all kinds of great things and it wouldn’t cost me, the taxpayer, anything. Well, the politicians would have to cancel to programs that we didn’t need and that would pay for many new and wonderful programs. I pointed it out to the mechanics. If such a policy made sense on the national scale, why shouldn’t it work here? They were not convinced. They said it didn’t make sense.
In the end, I didn’t get the brakes I did not need. I do not have the new starter, although my car continues to start. Maybe I didn’t need that either. The convertible is still in the lot, next to the minivan I did not get. Apparently, not getting things I did not need was the only way to not spend my money. I wonder if the candidates will ever learn that.

2007-12-27T08:12:00.000-08:00

My five-year-old daughter keeps a journal and a diary. I don’t know what makes them different other than the journal has a picture of a fairy on its cover and the diary is pink with a lock on it. Three or four times a week she will sit on her floor for twenty minutes writing furiously in one or the other of her books. Occasionally she will use letters and copy writings from other things in her room. More often she will cover each line of each page with a complex pattern of lines, swirls and squiggles.

One day she announced that she was going to write a story and that it was secret. For three nights in a row, she filled page after page of her journal (or maybe it was the diary) with her own complex writing system, her forehead twisted in concentration. After the third night and more than thirty pages of lined paper filled with her particular writings, I could not take the suspense. I walked into her room and asked, “What are you writing tonight?”

She looked up at me for the briefest moments and said, “I’m still writing my story, Dad.”

“Wow,” I said. “You are really putting in some nice work. Can you read me a little bit about your story?”

She actually stopped writing and gave me one of those looks. The looks that say I know you are a grownup and that you are my father and that I love you but how can you be so stupid. How can you actually make it through the day without my supervision, Dad? I waited in fear, knowing that I had made some foolish mistake and knowing that she was about to let me know what is was. She finally answered in a matter of fact tone, “No, Dad. You know I can’t read yet.”

I slowly backed out of her room and into the bathroom. I looked into the mirror for a very long time and gave myself one of those looks. The looks that say I know I’m a grownup and that I am her father and that she loves me but how can I be so stupid. Who is going to take care of me when she goes to school because I can’t make it through the day without some sort of supervision?
I finally left the mirror and told my wife how foolish I was for asking my daughter who can’t read to read me some of the story she was writing. I thought my wife might take some pity on the village idiot I was becoming. She had no pity or sympathy for me. She simply reminded me that I can go to work the next day and be with other addle minded adults. In my own peer group, I could regain some self-respect and self-confidence. My wife has chosen to stay home and raise our kids. She gets looks like that everyday all day by both of our children. I am her main peer group and luckily I am foolish enough as measured by our four and five year old children that I protect my wife's self-respect and self-confidence.

Hillary healthcare's attack on the young

2007-12-26T20:38:00.000-08:00

Hillary Clinton wants to mandate that every individual has health insurance. She brags that her mandate would insure an additional 15 million individuals beyond other democratic plans. First, United States was founded on principals of freedom, responsibility and choice. A mandate destroys that freedom. Additionally, who are these 15 million Americans? Some qualify for a heavily subsidized program but have chosen not to enroll. A mandate will not force these people to apply. Some are young, healthy adults who don’t use much healthcare and don’t have much money. They are choosing to spend their limited money on something other than healthcare. Camp Hillary argues that forcing these young people to pay for insurance that they are likely to not use will lower premiums for the rest of us. The effect is yet another tax on young people to subsidize baby boomers and older generations.

In my late twenties, I was one of these uninsured people thankful that there wasn’t a mandate. The company I worked went out of business. My wife quit her job so that we could relocate closer to family. We had saved a little money, lined up three or four job interviews in the new town and moved in with my in-laws (thank you Sheila and Howie). We expected to be back in the work force in a few weeks. None of the interviews worked out. What was planned to be weeks turned into months. We had to cancel our health insurance to continue to pay the bills. Those months almost turned into a year. Did I say thank you Sheila and Howie. With their help and going without insurance, we where able to continue to pay our bills, finally get jobs and buy a house of our own. If we had a mandate, we would have had to declare bankruptcy. Credit checks may have prevented us from getting the jobs we wanted and would have made buying a house much more difficult.