Thursday, September 11, 2008

John McCain Calls Running Mate Governor Sarah Palin A Crybaby.

This week Barack Obama was speaking about John McCain and Sarah Palin’s self-described “change” theme and said, “The other side, suddenly, they're saying 'we're for change too'. Now think about it, these are the same folks that have been in charge for the last eight years. You can put lipstick on a pig. It's still a pig. You can wrap up an old fish in a piece of paper and call it change. It's still going to stink after eight years. We've had enough.” John McCain’s campaign promptly issued a comment claiming that Sarah Palin was a crybaby and couldn’t handle mean things said about her. Governor Palin is especially sensitive to comments made by democrats as interpreted by propaganda machine talk show hosts Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity as well as comments regarding pigs. Governor Palin does not appreciate discussions regarding animals that she is unable to shoot from a helicopter.

Apparently, Governor Palin did not know that she should be offended by Senator Obama’s comments until McCain’s campaign told her that Obama really meant something completely different than what he said. Rick Davis, McCain’s campaign manager apparently owns the only known “Obama to racist, sexist and ageist” decoder ring in existence. This ring is reportedly able to translate messages coming from the Obama campaign into what Obama and Joe Biden really meant. According to Rick Davis's decoder ring, Senator Obama's comments can be translated as follows:

"They're saying 'we're for change too" actually means "Republicans are the only ones for change."

"The same folks that have been in charge for the last eight years" actually means "try try again. The republicans need another eight years to fix the screw ups they made the first eight. We should all give McBush a chance."

"You can put lipstick on a pig. It's still a pig" means "Obama hates you and Palin is a pig."

"We've had enough" means "Obama is a Muslim and Michelle Obama will eat your children if her husband is elected."

Apparently Rick Davis was unable to translate Barack Obama’s lipstick on a pig comment and disseminate the translation to all of John McCain’s surrogates as John McCain’s daughter said that the pig comment was not a big deal because daddy says it all of the time.

The accuracy of the decoder ring was recently put to the test when Democratic Vice Presidential candidate Joe Biden said, “"I hear all this talk about how the Republicans are going to work in dealing with parents who have both the joy ... and the difficulty of raising a child who has a developmental disability, who were born with a birth defect. Well, guess what, folks? If you care about it, why don't you support stem cell research?" McCain’s campaign announced the translation of Biden’s comments as, “Governor Palin doesn’t love her Down Syndrome baby.”

Unsubstainiated rumors claim the Obama to “Obama to racist, sexist and ageist” decoder ring was created by sorcorer Karl Rove who also created the “Votes over lives” decoder ring that was able to prove the existence of non-existent weapons of mass destruction, links between Osama Bin Laden and Iraq and that evangical Christianity is the only valid religion and all other religions should be shot from helicopters like the lame moose they are.

While the McCain campaign has issued several statements along the lines of "You're rubber and I'm glue. What you say bounces off me and sticks to you," it has yet to respond to how John McCain and his 90% alignment with George Bush's policies represents changes. It has yet to respond to why is does not embrace life saving stem cell research or other scientific advances. It has yet to answer as to how Governor Palin spending the funds for the bridge to nowhere represents change from the pork enriched government.


B.M. Garrett said...

Interesting read. Instead of everyone trying to make something out of nothing, the Republicans need to focus more on the issues because everything coming out of their mouth...I'm not buying. I can't wait till this is over and Obama is President.

Beamer said...

Politics ... Don't ya love it.


Anonymous said...

How does President Palin sound to you? Scary, I know. Read all about it :)

David Gerard said...

I commend to all the wisdom of Matt Damon on Palin.

Jordan Hixon said...

So I guess Obama preaching the same old story about classic democratic politics is so much different than the Republicans? Obama has nothing new to offer, just more spending and government control. Aka Socialism

Kelly said...

funny stuff. I like the comment about not being able to shoot animals without doing so from a plane...poor wolves!


The Logisitician said...

One of the somewhat overlooked ironies of this campaign year is that a black man, who was born outside of this country, the product of a broken home, manages to beat the odds and become a reasonably well educated public servant after attending two Ivy League institutions, is currently being framed as an “elitist” in our society. I'm just not sure whether our country will ultimately applaud McCain's "handlers" for their effectiveness, or demonize them for their execution.

Aaron said...

See, I'm scared Michelle Obama will eat my non-existent children even if her husband isn't elected.

Also, I saw in the Enquirer that Palin has a secret love child that is 37 years old. Curse the Democratic propaganda machine and their uncanny ability to find such deeply hidden secrets!

Sandee (Comedy +) said...

If you look at their records the truth shines. Not what they say, but what they have done. There lies the truth. :)

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