Tuesday, August 5, 2008

John McCain's Straight Talk left behind inflating tires

John McCain’s Straight Talk Express pulled over to inflate its tires at a local convenience store on Monday. Straight Talk went into the food market to pick up snacks for the spin group still hard at work on the bus. Unfortunately in all of the commotion, no one noticed Straight Talk had left the bus and the bus drove off, leaving Straight Talk behind.

Since Straight Talk was no longer allowed to participate in McCain’s strategy and communication team meetings, it’s disappearance wasn’t noticed until the following day when McCain campaign manager Rick Davis looked for Straight Talk for Rick Davis’s daily workout session of kicking Straight Talk’s tail around the bus. When Straight Talk could not be found, the McCain camp originally communicated through it’s honorary spokesmen, Fox News, that Barack Obama must have parted the seas and sent Paris Hilton and Britney Spears to abduct Straight Talk. Only once that accusation was proven false did secondary spokespersons Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity start accusing Obama of the abduction.

The McCain camp has forbidden Straight Talk from carrying a cell phone as Straight Talk might contradict all prior communications from the McCain camp. Straight Talk may communicate items such as Barack Obama’s energy plan has nothing to do with inflating tires or tire gauges, even though all professional automotive organizations and major McCain supporters Joe Lieberman, Mike Rogers, Charlie Crist and Arnold Schwarzenegger have suggest proper vehicle maintenance to maximize fuel efficiency and that John McCain knows drilling will not significantly decrease gas prices. Additionally, there is concern that Straight Talk's communications would not provide news organizations, such as CBS with Katie Couric, enough time to edit Straight Talk's messages before releasing to the masses. McCain's communications team has stressed the absolute necessity of disporting their campaign leader's , namely John McCain's, replies before consumption by the American voter. The campaign's official position is that American citizen's right to know more about who is running for president only applies to Barack Obama.


Lacking any official means to communicate, Straight Talk remains missing. The McCain camp has released the following announcement, “While Straight Talk is dearly missed campaign obligations will prevent the McCain team from actively searching for Straight Talk until after November. Straight Talk, if you hear this message, know that you are loved and keep your mouth shut unless you are going to say Obama abducted you.”

4 comments:

The Logisitician said...

Very good. Very witty. Very funny. I patched a link to the McCain piece to a buddy of mine who operates a blog with his adveritising industry buddies, the Laughingman. Check your sitemeter.com hits roughly 24 hours from now, and let m know whether you note any increase in visitors. Keep up the good work.

Alyssum Yang said...

In many aspects Obama is better than McCain.

Stanley said...

Unfortunalty, Paris Hilton does seem to have the more balanced Energy Policy!

John Dykstra said...

Well written article but I question your research. Have you ever watched Fox News or are you just parroting what you've heard about it from late night comedians? Statistically they are constantly rated as the network giving the most equal coverage to both candidates/parties.